It's Sunday morning, about 10am...and I'm at home. Home!? It's tempting to feel that I should be 10 miles away, in a turquoise Ekidz Tshirt, clipboard in hand, greeting new families and making sure our volunteers are in place to serve the hundreds of kids that will filter in and out of Safari, Quest and Motion. But my next thought is, I'm exactly where I should be, taking care of the only two kids who call me Mom, both sick, both exhausted from a busy week, both needing my full attention today.
If there is one question I've asked myself and God probably 100 times as I see our single women, like Jessi, Lindsey, Shannon and Laura, pour themselves into the Ekidz ministry tirelessly it's this: What if I'd had the opportunity to serve God at this level before I had kids. What if He'd called me to this ministry before I was a mom. Why did He wait? I could've, would've, should've done so much more...but now I am divided. I am serving under two callings of ministry, of wife and mom and of Quest Director, both deserving excellence. Which one suffers, and does one have too?
I've always been active in church, as a teen, as a newlywed...as a teen newlywed, before I had babies, and as my babies have grown. But in the past year I have been presented with more of a dilemma, as I attempt to serve the ever changing needs of my family while maintaining a higher level of responsibility in volunteer ministry than I ever have before. Both are of God, both are commitments He has called me to now, simultaneously. And here's the clincher: both are roles I am passionate about. Please hear my heart, I am neither whining nor pitying myself over these responsibilities. Being a mom to Lily and Luke and a wife to David is my dream come true. As I snuggled with my little ones this morning, coughing in my face, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with how much I love my kids, how honored I am to be the one to care for them, in sickness and in health. And David hated to leave us this morning, he wasn't dashing out the door, thrilled to spend the day around excitement and healthy people, he was bummed to leave us behind...I am crazy about that fella. Now balance that with the fact that I am truly saddened to miss the excitement of Ekidz...the smiling kids, the silly songs, and today a puppet of Zacchaeus saying "Give me your money..." I was counting on hearing the kids laugh at that exchange between a pushy puppet and our Large Group teacher. I love being a part of it all, seeing all the details come together.
You know it's easy to distinguish a balance of the worldly and motherhood..., it's a no-brainer that I should turn off my DVR'd Grey's episode when Luke asks me to play game with him or step away from my email when Lily wants to read a book. It's so much harder to balance the good and Godly. How much is too much?
But what if being a good mom makes me a better servant in my church ministries. And that's why He's called me to such now. I have compassion and humility that I lacked 5 years ago. It is very possible that had I been called to this level of children's ministry before I was a mom, I would have blown it. My lack of compassion towards that crying 3 year old and his parents, or even my ego could have prevented me from seeing nose wiping as ministry. God loves every snotty nose. I understand that much more now. And conversely, being in that role, pouring myself into Christ's service, is something I want my kids to see. I want them to know God instilled gifts in me that He desires I use for His kingdom. And want them to love the body of Christ.
But balance can still be a problem, at least for me. I have control issues and power issues and an inability to ask for help that can really give me problems. For this to work I have to recognize two major things: 1.God's resources are unlimited, mine are not. and 2.He has surrounded me with people willing and able to help so that I can fulfill His calling in my life. It honors neither God nor my family for me to be a worn out martyr who attempts to do it all. People will suffer, and I will be one of them.
So this morning I called Shannon without a doubt she'll get the job done with Lindsey along side. These young women are equipped with a level of spiritual maturity I lacked at that age, and because they do have fewer family commitments, we make a good team. I stayed home, made pancakes and dispensed medicines. Their day will come, when husbands and sick kids place new demands on them. But God will provide a talented single or empty-nester to help carry the load. I can think of a few He's raising up right now.
I also know that God loves both my family and His church more than I do. The very best thing I can do is stay in step with Him, sensitive to His direction, and if I do that, He will guide me in such a manner that prevents damage to either. I have learned that lesson the hard way.
But it still feels strange to be home on a Sunday.
If there is one question I've asked myself and God probably 100 times as I see our single women, like Jessi, Lindsey, Shannon and Laura, pour themselves into the Ekidz ministry tirelessly it's this: What if I'd had the opportunity to serve God at this level before I had kids. What if He'd called me to this ministry before I was a mom. Why did He wait? I could've, would've, should've done so much more...but now I am divided. I am serving under two callings of ministry, of wife and mom and of Quest Director, both deserving excellence. Which one suffers, and does one have too?
I've always been active in church, as a teen, as a newlywed...as a teen newlywed, before I had babies, and as my babies have grown. But in the past year I have been presented with more of a dilemma, as I attempt to serve the ever changing needs of my family while maintaining a higher level of responsibility in volunteer ministry than I ever have before. Both are of God, both are commitments He has called me to now, simultaneously. And here's the clincher: both are roles I am passionate about. Please hear my heart, I am neither whining nor pitying myself over these responsibilities. Being a mom to Lily and Luke and a wife to David is my dream come true. As I snuggled with my little ones this morning, coughing in my face, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with how much I love my kids, how honored I am to be the one to care for them, in sickness and in health. And David hated to leave us this morning, he wasn't dashing out the door, thrilled to spend the day around excitement and healthy people, he was bummed to leave us behind...I am crazy about that fella. Now balance that with the fact that I am truly saddened to miss the excitement of Ekidz...the smiling kids, the silly songs, and today a puppet of Zacchaeus saying "Give me your money..." I was counting on hearing the kids laugh at that exchange between a pushy puppet and our Large Group teacher. I love being a part of it all, seeing all the details come together.
You know it's easy to distinguish a balance of the worldly and motherhood..., it's a no-brainer that I should turn off my DVR'd Grey's episode when Luke asks me to play game with him or step away from my email when Lily wants to read a book. It's so much harder to balance the good and Godly. How much is too much?
But what if being a good mom makes me a better servant in my church ministries. And that's why He's called me to such now. I have compassion and humility that I lacked 5 years ago. It is very possible that had I been called to this level of children's ministry before I was a mom, I would have blown it. My lack of compassion towards that crying 3 year old and his parents, or even my ego could have prevented me from seeing nose wiping as ministry. God loves every snotty nose. I understand that much more now. And conversely, being in that role, pouring myself into Christ's service, is something I want my kids to see. I want them to know God instilled gifts in me that He desires I use for His kingdom. And want them to love the body of Christ.
But balance can still be a problem, at least for me. I have control issues and power issues and an inability to ask for help that can really give me problems. For this to work I have to recognize two major things: 1.God's resources are unlimited, mine are not. and 2.He has surrounded me with people willing and able to help so that I can fulfill His calling in my life. It honors neither God nor my family for me to be a worn out martyr who attempts to do it all. People will suffer, and I will be one of them.
So this morning I called Shannon without a doubt she'll get the job done with Lindsey along side. These young women are equipped with a level of spiritual maturity I lacked at that age, and because they do have fewer family commitments, we make a good team. I stayed home, made pancakes and dispensed medicines. Their day will come, when husbands and sick kids place new demands on them. But God will provide a talented single or empty-nester to help carry the load. I can think of a few He's raising up right now.
I also know that God loves both my family and His church more than I do. The very best thing I can do is stay in step with Him, sensitive to His direction, and if I do that, He will guide me in such a manner that prevents damage to either. I have learned that lesson the hard way.
But it still feels strange to be home on a Sunday.
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September 12, 2007 at 10:16 AM
I understand your desire to not miss a thing. As a leader, though, you are doing a good job if you have people that you can call on to step in for you. So it sounds like you are becoming a great leader. You made the right choice. At their ages, your children should definitely come first.
September 14, 2007 at 4:20 PM
Josh and I missed church on Sunday too. It made me very sad. (I seriously almost cried.) We had this long conversation about "I wonder how ______________ went." We are all sucked in!!!!!