I made good on a threat last night, and I've got to be honest, it doesn't feel quite as good as I thought it would. I thought it would enable me to bask in the self-appreciation of my parenting consistency, really up my credentials as a mom who follows through, but it kinda stinks. Not really feeling so good about it.
About 9 or 10 months ago, Lily decided she wanted long hair...long, "tangly" hair like Courtney. Courtney is our beautiful 17 year old cousin who does indeed have lovely long hair. By tangly, Lily meant scrunched, and unfortunately one needs some wave or curl to pull off that look. So forgetting the scrunching, we agreed that Lily could work at growing long hair. But we made a deal...long hair must stay out of the mouth, be kept out of her face, brushed frequently, blow-dried before bed, and fixed with barrettes or pulled up or back for school. This has been quite a struggle. It's this big "thing" between us, just the two of us, because she will absolutely let other people brush and fix her hair. It's maddening how she refuses this from me only. I can't even tell you how many times I've said, If you don't get a better attitude about having your hair brushed and fixed, we're getting it cut. I never, ever wanted short hair to be "punishment" I just wanted her to obey, trust I knew what was best, concede to what I was asking, hold up her end of the deal...something like that. When the child's hair is clean and brushed out, or pulled up, it is beautiful. She has highlights to die for, or at the very least pay for...as many women do. Her hair is bone straight, soft and shiny. When properly cared for, it's every mother's dream for her little girls tresses. But most days you'll find her running around with this stringy mess of straw, stiff ends from being chewed, a total mess! All ponytail holders and barrettes return from school in her back pack, she never keeps her hair styled for more than 15-20 minutes. This has grieved beyond words. I can't really tell you why. Maybe because I always had short hair as a little girl and dreamed of long locks for my only daughter, only to find this to be one of our biggest struggles. Maybe it feels like my failure to be unable to conquer this beast of hair care, an area of defiance that I could not break. I didn't like threatening to resort to drastic measures because I could not manage my child's behavior. Why couldn't I just make her brush and fix her hair properly? Why was that so hard?
So that brings me to yesterday, and the days leading up to it. Friday she refused any styling before school, Saturday I pulled the sides back in barrettes for a baby shower only for her to bring me the barrettes 5 minutes after we arrived, Sunday is always a headache in the hair department and yesterday, another rough school morning all the way around with the hair issue being the icing on the cake.
After school I gave her time to relax and snack and then dropped the bomb, we were going to get a haircut. I tried to explain that a haircut was not punishment but it was the result of her disregard and disrespect for the responsibilities of long hair. She sobbed, yelled irrational statements, and then fell asleep on the loveseat. When she woke up, I casually asked, Ready to get a haircut? To which she responded, Let's go after dinner. I agreed. She never fussed about it again. She sat in the stylist's chair as if it was her idea. She says she's very happy with her new do, so why aren't I? I got what I wanted, right? But I just feel bummed. Don't get me wrong, I think she looks like a little doll...cute as can be. I just wish it hadn't come as a result of months of anguish over her hair. If you've spent any length of time with me you've heard me lament over her stringy mess of hair...hair that had such great potential. This morning was indeed easier, with the short hair, she can brush it out herself...with long hair, she always missed the back and ends. No barrettes or ponytails needed.
Here are a couple of pics. She looks young to me now, very sweet and innocent. I only wish it hadn't come to this...but I'm glad she's not taking it as hard as I am.
About 9 or 10 months ago, Lily decided she wanted long hair...long, "tangly" hair like Courtney. Courtney is our beautiful 17 year old cousin who does indeed have lovely long hair. By tangly, Lily meant scrunched, and unfortunately one needs some wave or curl to pull off that look. So forgetting the scrunching, we agreed that Lily could work at growing long hair. But we made a deal...long hair must stay out of the mouth, be kept out of her face, brushed frequently, blow-dried before bed, and fixed with barrettes or pulled up or back for school. This has been quite a struggle. It's this big "thing" between us, just the two of us, because she will absolutely let other people brush and fix her hair. It's maddening how she refuses this from me only. I can't even tell you how many times I've said, If you don't get a better attitude about having your hair brushed and fixed, we're getting it cut. I never, ever wanted short hair to be "punishment" I just wanted her to obey, trust I knew what was best, concede to what I was asking, hold up her end of the deal...something like that. When the child's hair is clean and brushed out, or pulled up, it is beautiful. She has highlights to die for, or at the very least pay for...as many women do. Her hair is bone straight, soft and shiny. When properly cared for, it's every mother's dream for her little girls tresses. But most days you'll find her running around with this stringy mess of straw, stiff ends from being chewed, a total mess! All ponytail holders and barrettes return from school in her back pack, she never keeps her hair styled for more than 15-20 minutes. This has grieved beyond words. I can't really tell you why. Maybe because I always had short hair as a little girl and dreamed of long locks for my only daughter, only to find this to be one of our biggest struggles. Maybe it feels like my failure to be unable to conquer this beast of hair care, an area of defiance that I could not break. I didn't like threatening to resort to drastic measures because I could not manage my child's behavior. Why couldn't I just make her brush and fix her hair properly? Why was that so hard?
So that brings me to yesterday, and the days leading up to it. Friday she refused any styling before school, Saturday I pulled the sides back in barrettes for a baby shower only for her to bring me the barrettes 5 minutes after we arrived, Sunday is always a headache in the hair department and yesterday, another rough school morning all the way around with the hair issue being the icing on the cake.
After school I gave her time to relax and snack and then dropped the bomb, we were going to get a haircut. I tried to explain that a haircut was not punishment but it was the result of her disregard and disrespect for the responsibilities of long hair. She sobbed, yelled irrational statements, and then fell asleep on the loveseat. When she woke up, I casually asked, Ready to get a haircut? To which she responded, Let's go after dinner. I agreed. She never fussed about it again. She sat in the stylist's chair as if it was her idea. She says she's very happy with her new do, so why aren't I? I got what I wanted, right? But I just feel bummed. Don't get me wrong, I think she looks like a little doll...cute as can be. I just wish it hadn't come as a result of months of anguish over her hair. If you've spent any length of time with me you've heard me lament over her stringy mess of hair...hair that had such great potential. This morning was indeed easier, with the short hair, she can brush it out herself...with long hair, she always missed the back and ends. No barrettes or ponytails needed.
Here are a couple of pics. She looks young to me now, very sweet and innocent. I only wish it hadn't come to this...but I'm glad she's not taking it as hard as I am.
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September 18, 2007 at 9:54 AM
I think you did the right thing. At this age it is not worth the struggle if she won't let you help her take care of it or won't/can't do it herself. She looks cute as a button! Plus the fact that she didn't resist when you actually took her to get the haircut means that she is okay with it, so... you need to be too. There's plenty of time for long hair.
September 18, 2007 at 1:17 PM
oh, I feel so bad for you, I know it is not how you wanted it to happen. She does look just precious though!
September 18, 2007 at 2:11 PM
When I was in the 1st grade my mom and I had much the same battle. My mom took me to get my hair cut. I cried and cried over it. It looked very similar to Lily's.
She looks so cute. I love it on her. You did the right thing!
Holly Furtick
September 18, 2007 at 4:18 PM
It's too cute...makes her grown up I think. Plus being able to do it herself is a big independence boost...like Lily needed a boost in that area. ;) Looks great!
September 18, 2007 at 5:54 PM
My Gracie has the exact same hair and I always feel bad for her because she so desperately wants long hair. I try to explain that her best bud Maddie has different hair than her and that hers looks very very pretty short but it is no help to the one who desires to look like Crystal Gayle. By the way we left church on Sunday during the 11:30 service just to get a haircut! You made the right choice.
September 19, 2007 at 10:40 AM
Erin,
She looks so much like you did in my wedding. She's just adorable. The long hair thing is definitely a battle most of the time. I'm a little past that stage now. Now that is all Courtney wants to do is come her hair!! Imagine that.