As I sat down this morning with my Bible and journal, it didn't take me long to figure out I had a severe problem focusing, more so than usual. The kids were busy with breakfast and I was not in my usual rush...I had no one to blame, but I was so distracted. This house went from tidy to tornado in the past 48 hours which feels like an immediate need since our small group meets here tonight, I have some important volunteer spots to get covered ASAP which certainly warrants my attention, and Lily is a wreck first thing in the morning with severe allergy congestion which has now settled into a sinus and ear infection so I was battling the mental debate of school or no school (Dr. gave her green light, I was less convinced). Distracted, and as usual, by good things to give my attention to...and I just couldn't turn them "off."
I've been in a funk for a while now and when I'm in that kind of place indecisiveness settles on me like a thick fog. The simplest decisions feel overwhelming. This has been building for awhile and I knew I needed time with God to clear my noggin. Best. Best. I got up from my desk, finished getting both kids ready for school (I opted to take Lily late, letting her spend the early morning hours resting and "clearing" her head) and then made the rounds to drop them off. After that, with Bible and journal in hand, I headed to Panera. For some reason I felt drawn to go public for my alone time, to separate myself from the many, many things distracting me. From my seat at Panera, there was no view of my messy kitchen, no computer beckoning me to send a half dozen emails to solicit volunteer help, no stack of bills on the desk, no calendar or to-do list. I went to a public place to be alone. That is what best looked like this morning. The best use of my time was to forget the seemingly immediate tasks, and direct my full attention on the internal ache I've had to seek and hear from God. Hoping, in turn, I would find the proper state of mind to address the other things that do need my attention: tonight's small group, Sunday's volunteer needs and my daily wife/mother duties.
Best won't always look like quiet time at a coffee house, how I wish it would! But this morning, a cup of coffee from the mug (not the styrofoam to-go cup), a table just big enough to spread out on and the white noise of multiple indistinct conversations mixed with the clatter of dishes provided the perfect setting to just let go of life. As I chewed on my asiago cheese bagel, I also chewed on some scriptures a friend wrote down for me last week. (You know you're "off" when a trusted friend gives you an index cards full of suggested scriptures!) As I repeatedly refilled my mug with hot coffee, I felt a spiritual "refill" as well.
Now, hear what I'm saying. Please don't read this and shrug it off with Oh sure, I'd be in a great place if I could take the morning to sip coffee and relax too. It's important to note, I did not find time in my day to take a several hour break with God, I made time. I tend to blame my spiritual dryness on what I can't do, when in reality making time for God a priority is often what I won't do. I've found myself in a fog of indecision and uncertainty because I've filled days and weeks with good things, at the expense of the best thing. Today I needed to create an out of the ordinary experience to get myself back on track, but I believe what's truly best for me is to make and take this same time with God within the whirlwind of my daily life.
About two hours after I arrived, I left Panera feeling much lighter. Sure, the spring in my step could be the 3 cups of coffee :) but too many other side effects of time with Him are present to deny He is the reason.
I've been in a funk for a while now and when I'm in that kind of place indecisiveness settles on me like a thick fog. The simplest decisions feel overwhelming. This has been building for awhile and I knew I needed time with God to clear my noggin. Best. Best. I got up from my desk, finished getting both kids ready for school (I opted to take Lily late, letting her spend the early morning hours resting and "clearing" her head) and then made the rounds to drop them off. After that, with Bible and journal in hand, I headed to Panera. For some reason I felt drawn to go public for my alone time, to separate myself from the many, many things distracting me. From my seat at Panera, there was no view of my messy kitchen, no computer beckoning me to send a half dozen emails to solicit volunteer help, no stack of bills on the desk, no calendar or to-do list. I went to a public place to be alone. That is what best looked like this morning. The best use of my time was to forget the seemingly immediate tasks, and direct my full attention on the internal ache I've had to seek and hear from God. Hoping, in turn, I would find the proper state of mind to address the other things that do need my attention: tonight's small group, Sunday's volunteer needs and my daily wife/mother duties.
Best won't always look like quiet time at a coffee house, how I wish it would! But this morning, a cup of coffee from the mug (not the styrofoam to-go cup), a table just big enough to spread out on and the white noise of multiple indistinct conversations mixed with the clatter of dishes provided the perfect setting to just let go of life. As I chewed on my asiago cheese bagel, I also chewed on some scriptures a friend wrote down for me last week. (You know you're "off" when a trusted friend gives you an index cards full of suggested scriptures!) As I repeatedly refilled my mug with hot coffee, I felt a spiritual "refill" as well.
Now, hear what I'm saying. Please don't read this and shrug it off with Oh sure, I'd be in a great place if I could take the morning to sip coffee and relax too. It's important to note, I did not find time in my day to take a several hour break with God, I made time. I tend to blame my spiritual dryness on what I can't do, when in reality making time for God a priority is often what I won't do. I've found myself in a fog of indecision and uncertainty because I've filled days and weeks with good things, at the expense of the best thing. Today I needed to create an out of the ordinary experience to get myself back on track, but I believe what's truly best for me is to make and take this same time with God within the whirlwind of my daily life.
About two hours after I arrived, I left Panera feeling much lighter. Sure, the spring in my step could be the 3 cups of coffee :) but too many other side effects of time with Him are present to deny He is the reason.
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October 11, 2007 at 9:46 AM
oh, erin. i love being in your life because obviously the Lord is so involved in our friendship..to hear what He is saying to you as i am walking the same path in so many ways..
i love that you went to panera to pray. i actually go to panera myself about once a quarter for a few hours with my Bible and prayer notebook for the same reasons you talked about.
love you,
jess