What if...

I can't remember getting a single F in my school career. I seem to be making up for lost time as a grown up. Just this week...

F is for failure to adhere to my self-imposed email/blog restriction. The past two nights circumstances have arisen that have caused me to abandon my own rule. Feels crummy to admit that.

F is for another failed attempt to grocery shop with the kids without turning into Evil Erin.

F is for forgetting to complete a number of tasks on time this week. My brain seemed to delete several items from my mental "to do" list until it was well past their deadline for completion.

F is for fussing at David about an assortment of minor things that don't really matter.

F is for fretting about money and other people's opinions...things I know remain unaffected by my worry.

F is for Forgiven.

I have issued a self imposed regulation to my emailing and blogging (to include both writing and reading).

David laughed when I told him, but I am serious.

I will not check email or blog (again, both reading and writing) after 6pm (earlier if David gets home before then).

Seriously.

For the first time in 5 years my children to go to bed at an early hour and I'm ashamed to say I have been burning this alone time with David on this crazy computer. We can certainly find something useless to do together, like watch his new favorite show, Modern Marvels. We can at least sit by one another for that, this computer chair is only built for one.

Intentional, ladies and gentlemen. I am becoming more intentional about claiming time for myself, time for my kids and time for my husband.

I'll let you know next week how it's going.

I've gotten some complaints about the length of my blog posts. By complaints, I mean one person, multiple times...I won't mention any names...rhymes with windy. But she's probably just the only one with the nerve to admit she's been driven to skimming my wordy entries.

But I've never been known for brevity so I'm faced with a challenge because I too prefer shorter, easy-read blogs. Could it be that I'm a two-faced blogger? I like to read other's brief entries but write novellas myself? But I really don't want readers feeling the need for Cliff's Notes, like my brother who used to ask his wife to summarize my emails.

We'll see what happens. There must be a "perfect" length. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

Today is my dad's birthday. I've been churning this blog in my brain all day, trying to think of the best way to honor him, and honestly I'm at a loss. I'm just crazy about both of my parents. On my mom's birthday, I really wanted all of you to feel you knew like my mom. The feedback I got from people who do know her is that my blog description nailed her, she said so herself. It was a lighthearted post, but if you know those simple facts, you know her well. My dad is harder to describe, on paper he sounds almost contradictory: he's so smart and intense, even intimidating, but also has the best sense of humor. Very funny, loves to laugh and joke. He knows the kitchen like the back of his hand, but it's doubtful you'd catch him in a laundry room. His work ethic is fierce, and he puts in long hours at the office but he is not a workaholic. Family is priority, he'll take a day off to go to an amusement park or sit in a pediatrician's office with his grandkids. He's very strong and independent, but needs my mom like he needs air.

But there are so many little things I just don't know about my dad. I can't tell you his favorite TV show or his favorite color. I'm not sure of his favorite movie or pasttime. I do know:

He is the only person to have ever called me by a nickname: Angel. For years, but it's been years.

He gave me his eye color, hair color, skin color...but also his temper.

He talks about me behind my back. Nice things, proud-dad things...word gets back to me.

He is Pa to my kids, and they are quite certain there is nothing he can't do. When I am unable to accomplish a task (like untying a balloon), I often hear...If Pa were here he could do it. Luke also seems to think one day he and Pa will go somewhere in a helicopter. Lily believes his sole purpose in gainful employment is to keep her and Grandma on the go, out to lunch and to Walmart.

My dad is a problem solver and he will always make time to take care of his loved ones: his kids, his siblings, his friends. Not in a bring-you-a-covered-dish kind of way, but a share your burdens and help you find a solution kind of way. I have watched him minister to so many people in practical ways. He's a go-to guy. A question about a legal situation, help with taxes, finding deals on airline tickets, lost cell phones...I just can't even list the ways he's helped people out by offering practical advice or solutions, myself included. My dad's not a lawyer or an accountant or a travel agent, he just understands the way things work. I'm not sure how to best explain it, he just sees things clearly. As an adult, I still often rely on him for advice or practical solutions to problems I'm facing, he never belittles me or makes me feel like he's tired of helping.

I know this post is very random, I hope it does my dad justice. Probably hard to believe it's my 6th attempt and it's taken almost 2 hours. I wish I had a blog post as neatly packaged as the gift I've yet to mail him...but who am I kidding, it's not neatly packaged either!

Happy Birthday Daddy. I wish I were close enough to celebrate with you.

Today is my brother and sister-in-law's anniversary. Seven years?? Just wanted to take a quick walk down memory lane...

Ray and Becky had a beautiful wedding...she was a lovely young bride, he a very handsome groom. It was a family affair, both my sister and I were bridesmaids, my David was a groomsman. If I recall correctly, the wedding ceremony went off without a hitch...but then came the reception. The reception was at an outdoor venue, a large covered pavillion. I don't remember if it was just a typical Florida thunderstorm or a more serious tropical incident, but either way, come time for the reception, the bottom fell out! Ruined, right? Wrong! We had the best time! Their reception still tops the list as my most enjoyed wedding reception. You see, bad weather at an outdoor reception will certainly clear out your fair-weather friends and guests. Left behind are the tried and true, ready to party! Sure the hems of our dresses were dripping with mud, delicate up-dos gave way to high-humidity frizz and a bucket became the dance floor centerpiece for the leaking roof...but what a memorable party! We danced the night away and enjoyed the celebration to the fullest. Bye, Bye, Bye! :)

I'm not always great about blogging on weekends, so this may be all you get until Monday...or Tuesday. This is our week in review:

This week...

...the funniest thing I heard was Austin calling Amy by her first name, rather forcefully at that. He's 10 months old. How many infants have you heard on a first name basis with Mommy? Toddlers often test this out, but rarely infants!

...the hardest parenting decision I made was to insist Lily get a haircut.

...I was most encouraged by the positive feedback about Lily's haircut. I don't always need reinforcement to feel secure in my mothering, but for some reason, this really struck a nerve with me. Thanks to everyone who commented or emailed positively. Thank you to those who disagreed for staying quiet.

...I was most disappointed by my careless email error that let the football ticket secret out. But I got over it quickly.

...we tested a 7:30 bedtime and it did make a difference in our morning.

...Lily had her first school picture taken and checked out her first school library book.

...I wore the same shirt twice (Tuesday and today)

...the weather has been great! A little cloudy today and yesterday but the temperature is as good as it gets...lows in the 50s, highs in the 70s. Luke described it as "hottish-coldish."

...I am one "assignment" away from completing the Bible reading plan I started in January. It has taken me twice as long as it should have.

Have a great weekend!

I have never been able to successfully keep secrets. Several years ago, I did plan a birthday trip for David to the Keys... arranged his time off work, packed our bags, and even hid an ice chest full of ice and food in our master closet. I told him the night before we left. That was a great surprise. I've tried to recreate that level of excitement a time or two without success, but I thought this latest surprise might come close.

I wanted to do something special for David, just to let him know that the long days he's putting in at work, the long hours on Sundays, and the way he still makes our kids such a priority (like taking a couple hours out of his morning to go to a preschool donut social) do not go unnoticed. At least not by me. I may be only person in a day to acknowledge the greatness I see in him, I don't want to miss that opportunity. And I know it all catches up with him, often I think he's running on fumes. And I worry about him.

So that leads me to my attempted surprise. David is a HUGE Tampa Bay Bucs fan. For better, for worse. In sickness and in health. Till death. He loves the Bucs. He grew up very close to the stadium, the "Big Sombrero" as it was known before the new Raymond James was built. Going to Bucs games with his dad has been one of the things he has missed the most since we've lived here in NC. Last year when the Bucs were in town, we went to the Panther's stadium and stood outside. Seriously. The kids were dressed in Bucs garb, we clicked a bunch of pics and listened to the crowd inside. We could hear the Bucs players being introduced, that was exciting for David, but sounds kinda sad now. David's employer at the time did have a tailgating event so we at least got free food. But no standing outside for my man this year. I had a little surprise in mind...

I bought two tickets to the upcoming game. The Bucs will be in town very soon and I wanted David to be there. Inside the stadium. Only one thing would make the day better, if his dad was in the seat next to him. So I offered the ridiculous invitation to David's dad, Ron...to travel 600 miles for a football game!? Not a playoff game, not a Super Bowl...just a regular ol' game. I sent a brief email, along the lines of Hey Ron. I'm surprising David with Bucs tickets. Is there any way you'd be able to come go with him? Don't tell me if you think I'm nuts. Well, I myself think it's nuts to travel so far for a game, but Ron must be as crazy as we are. Within about an hour, he was emailing me his flight itinerary!

But here's where my surprise went south: there was a flurry of emailing between myself, Ron and Sheryl (David's step mom who was helping arrange flights). In one of my emails to Sheryl that I wanted to loop Ron into, I clicked the wrong email...you see, Ron's first name is David, and that's how he's listed in my contacts. I clicked the wrong David! My David got a rambling email about airports, flights...meant nothing to him until he found one line about Bucs tickets. I stink at surprises. But I'm still really happy that my favorite guy is going to enjoy his favorite team with his favorite fellow Buccaneers fan. I hope in the coming years they become a trio, with Luke following in their Bucs-loving footsteps.

If I was a drinkin' woman, I would be quite certain I was drunk during this morning's post. I just re-read it, and found enough typos to question my sobriety and level of cognition at the time of posting. That really burns me up...I had extra letters all over the place. Just had to let you all know that I am sober. I posted between kindergarten and preschool drop off, which is unusual but I had to get that haircut issue of my chest, I think my haste lead to carelessness.

I believe I have corrected my errors. Spell check would like "loveseat" to be two words, but I'm sticking with one.

I made good on a threat last night, and I've got to be honest, it doesn't feel quite as good as I thought it would. I thought it would enable me to bask in the self-appreciation of my parenting consistency, really up my credentials as a mom who follows through, but it kinda stinks. Not really feeling so good about it.

About 9 or 10 months ago, Lily decided she wanted long hair...long, "tangly" hair like Courtney. Courtney is our beautiful 17 year old cousin who does indeed have lovely long hair. By tangly, Lily meant scrunched, and unfortunately one needs some wave or curl to pull off that look. So forgetting the scrunching, we agreed that Lily could work at growing long hair. But we made a deal...long hair must stay out of the mouth, be kept out of her face, brushed frequently, blow-dried before bed, and fixed with barrettes or pulled up or back for school. This has been quite a struggle. It's this big "thing" between us, just the two of us, because she will absolutely let other people brush and fix her hair. It's maddening how she refuses this from me only. I can't even tell you how many times I've said, If you don't get a better attitude about having your hair brushed and fixed, we're getting it cut. I never, ever wanted short hair to be "punishment" I just wanted her to obey, trust I knew what was best, concede to what I was asking, hold up her end of the deal...something like that. When the child's hair is clean and brushed out, or pulled up, it is beautiful. She has highlights to die for, or at the very least pay for...as many women do. Her hair is bone straight, soft and shiny. When properly cared for, it's every mother's dream for her little girls tresses. But most days you'll find her running around with this stringy mess of straw, stiff ends from being chewed, a total mess! All ponytail holders and barrettes return from school in her back pack, she never keeps her hair styled for more than 15-20 minutes. This has grieved beyond words. I can't really tell you why. Maybe because I always had short hair as a little girl and dreamed of long locks for my only daughter, only to find this to be one of our biggest struggles. Maybe it feels like my failure to be unable to conquer this beast of hair care, an area of defiance that I could not break. I didn't like threatening to resort to drastic measures because I could not manage my child's behavior. Why couldn't I just make her brush and fix her hair properly? Why was that so hard?

So that brings me to yesterday, and the days leading up to it. Friday she refused any styling before school, Saturday I pulled the sides back in barrettes for a baby shower only for her to bring me the barrettes 5 minutes after we arrived, Sunday is always a headache in the hair department and yesterday, another rough school morning all the way around with the hair issue being the icing on the cake.

After school I gave her time to relax and snack and then dropped the bomb, we were going to get a haircut. I tried to explain that a haircut was not punishment but it was the result of her disregard and disrespect for the responsibilities of long hair. She sobbed, yelled irrational statements, and then fell asleep on the loveseat. When she woke up, I casually asked, Ready to get a haircut? To which she responded, Let's go after dinner. I agreed. She never fussed about it again. She sat in the stylist's chair as if it was her idea. She says she's very happy with her new do, so why aren't I? I got what I wanted, right? But I just feel bummed. Don't get me wrong, I think she looks like a little doll...cute as can be. I just wish it hadn't come as a result of months of anguish over her hair. If you've spent any length of time with me you've heard me lament over her stringy mess of hair...hair that had such great potential. This morning was indeed easier, with the short hair, she can brush it out herself...with long hair, she always missed the back and ends. No barrettes or ponytails needed.

Here are a couple of pics. She looks young to me now, very sweet and innocent. I only wish it hadn't come to this...but I'm glad she's not taking it as hard as I am.

I just received this email:

What if......... you wrote a new blog????
I am sure your mama is a lovely lady worthy of a blog post that stays up all week long, however, I am a very faithful What If blog reader and I need some new stuff!!!

Must be time to post!