What if...

Only a few more days and the suspense of will she/won't she will be over. Lily's big dance recital is Saturday, and she's unsure as to whether or not she wants to participate. Okay, so she's sure she doesn't want to, and we're unsure as to whether or not we can convince her. She's only been in the class for about 2 1/2 months and from day 1 has said she will NOT perform in a recital. We've begged a little (but not too much!), we've bribed a little, we've even purchased the costume just in case, but so far she's not falling for it. It's very like her to love the dance class...love, love, love it...but refuse to perform, it's just not her thing. Although I find it very disappointing, as does David who doesn't get to see her weekly classes, I also understand that dance is somewhat new to her, and I'm proud that the "all your friends are doing it" pressure doesn't seem to phase her. But the good Lord can part the waters and He can raise the dead, so I'm not giving up hope that she may have a change of heart.

Especially after what I saw last night. Last night the studio had a photographer on site to take photographs of our ballerinas...and recital or no recital, I want to get as much use out of that costume as possible. We did the hair, a light dusting of blush and her Disney princess lip gloss and wow...I know every mommy thinks her little girl is beautiful, and rightly so, but with her brown skin, dark eyes and striking long lashes, contrasted with the solid white leotard and tutu, I imagine it was a sight only matched by her wedding day.

So cross your fingers with me.

On the topic of the recital, I just want to give a shout out to Mrs. Jackie, Lily's dance teacher. Her approach to dance is to instill in our little girls the beauty and value we have in Jesus, and how we can worship the Lord through using our gifts to His glory. A dance to this Chris Tomlin song is one of the many worshipful moments the recital will hold, and that is why I most want my ballerina to participate. I can barely imagine the sight...to dance not for moms and dads, not for applause, not for stage time, but to dance for Jesus. Thank you Mrs. Jackie for such a vision. Recital or not, the lessons learned in class are lifelong lessons for Lily and for that I am so grateful.

The only thing that makes an on-the-go-go-go week like this one bearable is an open weekend to look forward to. David and I have both been running on all cylinders since we stepped back into the "real world" after our brief vacation from reality last weekend. The week was slammed with something(s) penciled into every square on the calendar, intertwined with the normal daily to-dos no less. And twelve hour work days for David are not the exception but the rule. So nothing, and I mean no single thing I can think of, tops off a week like this quite like a three day weekend that is WIDE open. We've got a few ideas of how to spend our time, but with Luke recovering from a stomach bug (yes, add that to mix of busy week!) and David with a mystery arm injury, it's looking like three lazy days around our house, and that suits me just fine. No alarm clock. No appointments or meetings. No Monday (well, don't be alarmed, there is still a Monday, just not a Monday-Monday).

Enjoy the holiday weekend. I certainly plan to.

Do they really have to call it graduation? He's five. He's finishing preschool. Do we have to call it graduation, wear the mortar boards and call them the Class of 2008? Do we have to go there? I am well aware that I gave birth to a sweet 7 lb, 13 oz bouncing baby boy, like, yesterday...closed my eyes for just a second to just catch my breath, and then he was five.

So tomorrow is graduation. His class has learned sign language to Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World to perform during their ceremony, and Luke informed me that he knows his Spanish "so good" that I'm going to cry. The humor in the fact that he calls sign language "Spanish" is just enough to cause me to crack a smile before the tears come. My Luke. Don't you remember day 1 of preschool? I do. He cried and begged me not to leave him. I left him. With strangers. I cried, too. Now Ms. Sheila and Ms. Donna are hardly strangers and very early on I figured out they don't just like my little guy, they love him.

We've had a great preschool experience, from the early "tall tale" days (Luke's wild stories of rockets, weapons, aliens) to the yellow days that gave us a glimpse of what was underneath that quiet smile. I'm not quite ready for it to be over.

Not sure what to blog about now...the anniversary has come and gone (lovely anniversary, really lovely, too lovely to try and post about. Special because it was just the two of us, as relaxed as we've been in so long, just the two of us...so I'll keep it that way).

But what now? Ten reasons why I love spring? Ten reasons why I wish spring was over? Ten reasons why I love summer? Ten reasons why I'm dreading summer? Ten reasons why I'm so thankful Luke only has one more week of school? Ten things I need to get done before he's out of school? Ten things I need to be doing right now instead of blogging?

Nah, so I guess I'm back to one post a week. But then again, with Luke graduating preschool this week and a 3 day weekend on the horizon, the days ahead are looking blog-worthy.

Tomorrow David and I celebrate our tenth (in case you missed that!), and today, I wrap up my list of ten whatever it's been as I've counted down to the big day. Here's your warning, today's post will probably be the sappiest...and I mean every word.

I don't know exactly when I started dreaming about "grown up" life but whenever it was, I know my thoughts centered on being crazy in love, getting married, having a couple kids, a house of my own, being a stay-at-home mom...snuggling with my husband, reading to my kids, going to church together. Those really were the things I thought added up to the fairytale life. I didn't really think much about my career, or money, and I didn't think about having "stuff." I never imagined fancy cars or big houses, those were the things that some dreams are made of, nothing necessarily wrong with those things, they just weren't the elements in my fairytale. And never once as girl did I imagine a large checking account balance, didn't even cross my mind.

So this is what I've come to realize: I've got my fairytale. Yes, there are headaches, hurdles, and hindrances. No, life is not easy to navigate. But you know what? All of the things I did dream of are a part of my life today: being married to my very best friend, being the mother of his children, being able to stay at home with them...and not just going to church together, but helping to launch a church together. This is my life, the life I always wanted. And the things of life that can give me grief were never the things my fairytale was made of anyway, so keeping in mind that I do have what I've always wanted makes facing the tough stuff worth the effort.

So here's to ten years of living my dream. It's not every woman's dream, but it was mine, and still is to this day. And the best part is knowing that there's so much more to come because I believe the best days lie ahead.

And that's my number 10.

Tuesday night I took a CPR certification test with about 20 other Ekidz volunteers. Let me first say that I do not take the topic lightly. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but I've avoided taking the class in the past for fear that once I had the training, I'd find myself in a situation to use it. I have so much respect for police officers, fireman, nurses, doctors, paramedics and the like who are able to face this challenge everyday. God bless you. We're working towards all Ekidz leadership being CPR certified, which I do think is great, so as a volunteer leader, I'm in that group. As a parent, it's also very comforting to know that at all times someone in close proximity to my child knows life saving techniques.

Now here's the real point of this post, seriousness of the topic aside, I had the best time. Can't remember the last time I laughed so much, or attempted not to laugh so much. Our instructor, Hans, must think I am either A. Whackadoo or B. Hugely Inappropriate...but I hope he knows there is C. Stay at home mom who, at that time of night, is usually up to her elbows in after dinner clean up, splashy bath time and kids fussing not to go to bed, so an opportunity to surround myself with people I truly enjoy and eat cookies and sit on a big bean bag with Teri just brings joy to my heart. C is long, but it is indeed the correct answer. And were I still in the CPR class, someone would be asking me for the correct answer...buncha cheaters.

Just another opportunity to recognize and appreciate how fabulous the Elevation volunteers are, even our instructor Hans, is a volunteer a the church (and hopefully the one nearby if I should ever be unresponsive). Of the 20 or so people in the room, I could laugh and chat with every one of them (and did so on our breaks). I am so thankful for the great guys and gals I serve with week in and week out, so thankful for their sacrficial servant hearts, but also so thankful that we can have a good time together.

I'm also very thankful that Teri and I didn't go to high school together. I may not have graduated with honors had I sat in the back of the class with her. She can get a gal in trouble.

In about 2 hours, David's going to stand up from his recliner and announce he's headed to bed. If I don't say immediately say, Me too, he'll kiss me good night and head into the bathroom to brush his teeth as if it's no big deal. But then a little dance begins. I'll continue watching TV, reading, or whatever it is I'm up too, and he'll reappear. Even if I don't look up I can feel him staring me down. I know what he's up to...he's trying to lure me in...into the bedroom...to sleep. The man can't stand going to sleep without me. He'll poke his head out of the bedroom door, then stand in the hallway and just watch me...until I finally say, Guess I'm headed to bed too. We could cut out the dance and he could say, I'm headed to bed, will you come with? and of course, I'd say, Sure. But instead, he pretends he doesn't really need me to come with him, I'll pretend I've got other things to do...he's testing me to see if I'll get up and follow, I'm testing him to see if he'll come back for me. It's our thing.

So for number 9, I thought I'd talk about the true joy of marriage: sleeping together. (As in really sleeping...although there's a lot to be said for the not sleeping too, on a blog that isn't read by my dad). But we love, love, love sleeping together. Don't need to be spooning or even touching, just want to know the other is right beside. Neither of us like to go to bed alone, but because he gets up earlier and is usually more wiped out at the end of the day than I, he's usually ready for bed before me and thus starts the dance. Our "need" to go to sleep together has increased with time, maybe because there were a couple years with two newborns back to back that no one got much sleep and falling asleep (and staying asleep) together was rare.

Sleep is the most vulnerable thing one can do. Eyes closed, body shut down. I think sleeping is a physical expression of trust, at least, sleeping well is. And because sleeping together is so sacred to us, one thing we have never done in our 10 years is slept apart in anger. Neither of us have ever retreated to the couch. We're probably just both too stubborn to be the one to give up the bed.

If you'd have grabbed that 19 year old bride-to-be 10 years ago and asked here where she'd live and die, she'd have said, Right here!, with her hubby-to-be in full agreement. David and I had both lived in the same Florida county our entire lives (he lived away only while in the Navy), and we both intended on staying there for the rest of our lives. So my #8, not just in honor of our move (although that would be the biggest), but in honor of all the SURPRISES God had in store for us, with great anticipation for the many more to come. From career stuff, to kid stuff, to moving...who knew what all we'd see and do. I'm so thankful for a BIG God who sees a BIG picture. Our marriage has been far more adventurous than I would have planned, and for that, I am very thankful.

David and I are the best of friends, and so that's #7 on my Ten to Ten list. There is no one else I'd rather spend my time with, no one else who knows me so well, no one else I trust the way I trust him. We really are best friends, and not just on the deep commitment level of life, but the fun stuff, too. He's who I want to relax with, catch a movie with, hang out with, watch TV with...walk with, talk with, even just be quiet with.

As a single friend and I were chatting about the dynamics of female friendships, I was so happy to tell her, in all sincerity, that being friends with my husband has been the easiest relationship in my life. I know a strong marriage takes work. Trust.Me.I.Know. But it's "life" that makes it hard, just being with David is easy. Ten years ago, when I absolutely couldn't get enough of that guy, I probably thought that time and kids and bills and grown up stuff would change our friendship. And it has, but only in positive ways, because for 13 years, our friendship has proven itself. (And I still can't get enough of him!)

I wish this post was a no-brainer, duh...every wife is best friends with her husband. But I'm sad to say, I've seen that's not always the case, and I'm so very thankful for the friendship that we have. I never want to take it for granted, I want to guard it and protect it and be amazed in 50 years how much we still like one another.

Only 8, 9, and 10 to go and you'll be off the hook from the Erin and David marriage review...maybe next week there should be a quiz! But I must say, committing myself to to a daily list has really helped me get back in a blogging groove.

I think a marriage can be divided into two primary eras: before children....and with children, at least those are the only two eras I've known. So #6, on Mother's Day no less, is wild and crazy adventure of parenthood that David and I endure enjoy together. And speaking of 6, it was 6 years ago that our journey started. We'd been married almost 4 years when we excitedly welcomed baby #1 to the family, our Lily. Consumed with the most overwhelming amount love imaginable, we questioned whether we'd ever add another child to the family. God was apparently not concerned about our capacity to love another because He quickly blessed us with baby #2; Luke was born just twelve months later. So just over 6 years ago, I became a mom, and a few months later found out I'd be a mom again. And the rest is our history, a story still in the making. The past 6 years have been a crazy, wonderful ride. And there is no partner I'd rather be strapped into the roller coaster with than David.

For anyone seeking deep, insightful writings try Jess' sight. She's always full of Jesus and I think reading her blog counts for having quiet time. But as for my post, I'm just stopping by for #5 on my way to ten things for ten years. For #5, I'm going totally random:

1. We've had 7 different addresses in 10 years. Makes me feel like a nomad. Each move was purposeful at the time, but looking back, seems like a lot of moving. My sister-in-law has a little stitched pillow with a honey pot on it that says "Home is Where Your Honey Is" and that has proven true.
   
2. We do not own a toaster or blender, and I bought our first cheese grater about 2 months ago.
   
3. We've used the same joint email address for over 8 years.
   
4. One of David's all time favorite movies is the original Willy Wonka & the Weirdo-Factory (okay, not really the title, but should be!). I've never watched it, don't plan to. We've borrowed the newer Depp version and I'm a little curious about it.
   
5. Our first date was to Macaroni Grill. He was very quiet but so attentive and polite, opened all of my doors. He's still quiet, but no longer opening doors. Hmm. Our second date was to the movies to see Crimson Tide. Strange choice for a date movie, but we both enjoyed it. Our third date was 8 months later, and we've been stuck like glue ever since.
   

David and I are a great food fit. No mushrooms, no onions, no tomatoes, no olives, and especially no celery. There are a few taste areas we differ on, but in general we'll take our burgers dressed the same way, our version of a salad is a bowl of lettuce, and we'll pass on your sushi, your stuffed peppers, your portabella whatever every time.

It's the secret to a great marriage, single ladies mark my words. Don't marry a man who wants to eat things you don't want to cook :)

Makes ordering pizza a breeze, too.

#3 of 10

David and I do not have "a song." Not even sort of. And somehow our marriage has survived.

It's very us to not have a song...and also very us to think that having a song is goofy. No offense, song-havers.

#2 of 10...

David and I were 24 and 19 when we married. Young. Naive. Dumb. Yes. We've made our fair share of mistakes (like smack the palm of your hand against your forehead kind of mistakes). We can laugh about many of them. And we've always said, "Live and learn." When we put the legs of our dining room table on upside down and didn't figure it out until the table was almost completely built, when we leased a vehicle (yikes), when we bought our first house and realized that as home owners we were responsible for repairs and maintenance, (neither of which we had a clue about!), when we had a baby, then another baby and were faced with the understanding that our decisions directly affected helpless little people...we just had to say, Live and learn. We both really value the lessons learned in mistake making, lessons learned in daily life, lessons learned by trial and error. What works for us, what doesn't work for us, what is worth our time, what isn't worth our time, who and what to invest our lives in, who and what not to invest our lives in. We have so much more to learn, we still make mistakes, and we're even repeat offenders in a couple areas...but as long as we live, we'll keep learning.

In ten days, David and I celebrate our TENTH wedding anniversary. Very excited to be able to say I've been married a double-digit amount of time. That, plus my 30th birthday right around the corner and I will surely start feeling like a grown up. Right?

In honor of our tenth, for the next ten days I'm going to post ten things I love about my marriage to David. Not in ascending or descending order of importance, not necessarily even "Top Ten"...haven't even thought of all ten yet. I just want to share ten things I love about our decade together. I'll wrap up on the 15th, which is great because I hope to come no where near a computer on our big day. I just want to be hanging out with him. Even if that means I follow him to work.

So here's one: David and I laugh together a lot, our ten years have been full of laughter. (And before you think that means I laugh, he quietly grins, think again. David has a great, full body laugh when something is really funny...if he's sitting down, it's kind of fetal position, makes me laugh just to watch him laugh). The silly things that made us laugh ten years ago still make us laugh today, and add to the mix two hilarious kids, and there's always something to laugh about. We've added a behind their backs, over the tops of their heads, laughing with our eyes kind of joint experience so the kids don't know we're laughing when it's something they're very serious about, like Luke's involuntary dancing the minute he hears a great beat, or Lily's dramatic flair when she's trying to show us she's very mad. I love to hear David's laugh and set him up when I insist we watch "The Office" together online since I miss it on Thursdays, so I can hear him laugh out loud at least once an episode (the Wendy's phone call killed him!). And something we've laughed about for the better part of ten years...the late night fax machine incident. Won't bother telling, it wouldn't be funny to you, but it was so funny to those knuckle-headed newlyweds ten years ago, living in a little apartment...with that fax machine...still gets us laughing today.

I can't wait to see what we'll be laughing about in ten years. Still the fax thing I'm sure, but with two teenagers in the house, I hope we're still finding plenty to laugh about.

Surely there are a ton of deep, insightful take-aways I could post from the Orange Conference. My first night home I told David I didn't want to talk about it...yet. Usually I want to process things out loud, immediately. This wasn't one of those times. Just a lot crammed into two days, my brain was tired. Still is. I'll aim for deep and insightful next week. But there is one reoccurring thought that I'd like to share. Very important...grab a pen.

Top 5 Reasons Why Jessi is a Fab Travel-Mate:

-She let me have the mirror for as long as I needed, no complaints. Obviously, cute thing that she is, she doesn't have to apply multiple coats of war paint like some of us...so she graciously let me have the mirror for 75% of our a.m. "get-ready" time.

-She brought her own blanket from home. I am a cover-hog. We shared a king size bed. I had king-size bed covers all to myself. Heaven.

-She let me pry into her personal life. Old married woman that I am, I'm a little out of the single loop but Jessi let me ask questions and impose my opinion on all aspects of her life.

-She listened to me talk, and talk, and talk for four hours there...and four hours back and never acted bored or uninterested. From dating mistakes in my big-headed high school days (and I mean both ego and permed hair), to story after story about my hubby and kids, Jessi is a great listener (even if her greatness lies in an ability to feign interest).

-She zoomed off the interstate the minute I saw a QT sign and mentioned my desire to try the much acclaimed QT frozen coffee, and she didn't even want anything. A truly selfless act.


Somewhere in cyber world, I hope there isn't a "5 Reasons Erin is a Bummer to Hang With." I know #1 would be that I said "I don't care" about almost every decision she asked me to make. I'm not that indecisive of a person but after deciding breakfast, lunch, dinner, wardrobe, schedule, etc for a family of four everyday, I wanted a vacation from being in decision mode...apparently my brain shut down and I could barely decide if I was hot or cold. Reason #2 would probably include an embarrassing chair climbing incident. Knee still bruised.