What if...

Lily and I went to see the Nutcracker on Sunday, as performed by a nearby community ballet. I thought it was the perfect "first" ballet experience for Lily. Beautiful costumes and lovely ballerinas...room full of other squirming children (making mine less obvious) and very reasonable tickets. Brandi and I took our girls, an oasis of mother-daughter time squeezed into an already full day. I think my favorite moment was this exchange between Lily and Avery....

In hushed tones, as "Chinese" Dancers appeared:

Avery: Are they cats?

Lily: No, they're kangaroos...baby kangaroos...joeys.

I missed this brief, confused conversation but Brandi whispered it to me and we both tried to contain our giggles...the thought of our girls mistaking the dancers dressed in oriental attire for cats kangaroos?!? Who knows what else they thought was going on! I'd love to hear their full interpretation. Lily fell asleep during the last act. Sweet time.

As I read the daily Proverbs 31 devotional this morning, I couldn't help but feel like it was meant just for me. The author, Marybeth, is a stellar woman I feel privileged to know and I immediately emailed her to let her know how much her words spoke truth into my life right now. Then I thought it'd be nice to ask her permission to copy this to my blog but then again, it might take her awhile to reply (mothering 6 can keep a lady busy) and I just had to do this right now, so I am taking the liberty to share her thoughts. Marybeth, thanks for sharing this, just for me...and the thousands of other Not-So-Super Moms who needed permission to take off the cape.


Someday…
I’ll remember to order those cute Christmas return address labels for my cards.
I’ll bake real gingerbread houses like Martha Stewart instead of buying those cheap, cheesy kits.
I’ll finish my shopping early instead of waiting to the last minute.
I’ll hand make gifts for all our neighbors, teachers, postal carriers, and garbage men.
I’ll wrap presents that look like the ones in the magazines, not like a kindergartner did it.
I’ll actually do all those service projects that look like a worthy thing to do.
Someday… is not now.

Whatever season in life you are in this Christmas, embrace it. There will be other times to do all those things you want to do. Or not. Whatever your situation is, trust that God is sovereign and He ordained for you to be where you are at this time, for His purpose. There is something to be gained from every season in life. The trick is to find that piece of wisdom God has for you in the midst of each season.

When the angel appeared to Mary, he told her some pretty shocking news about what was going to happen to her. His message ushered her into a season in life that included confusion, rejection and some pretty extreme transition. And yet, her response was “May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38).

I want Mary’s reaction to be my own reaction. I want my attitude to be one of complete surrender to God’s will, no matter what the circumstances. I want to be able to say with confidence “May it be to me as you have said” instead of whining to God, “Why did you let this happen to me?” like I usually do.

The first step in embracing every season is to let go of our own expectations—even when it means learning to love our limitations. Whether you are struggling with illness, or lack of energy, or a marriage situation, or money problems, or family issues—whatever it is, that is where God has you. Stop trying to be Super Mom or Super Woman and trust a super God instead.

Dear Lord, help me see You this Christmas. Help me keep my focus on You and not on my to-do list. And would you please remind me when I forget that You love me not because of what I accomplish but because I am, simply, Your child? In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Me again...go back and read that a couple more times. Each time I did, something new jumped off the page...His purpose...surrender...letting go of my expectations. Big sigh.

Driving me a little bit crazy...

Maaaaaa-maa, c'mere! On the other side of that call, there is always a bottom to be wiped or a spill to be cleaned.

Where is my Michael Buble CD? Anyone, anyone? David, did you hide it? Did I make you listen to Home ten too many times? When will I see it again? Tell me cuando, cuando, cuando?

The dog's breath smells like something died in her mouth. What on earth do I do for that? I can barely keep up with my children's oral hygiene, much less the boxer's.

David's late nights. One more week to go.

I met my best friend for lunch today. The atmosphere was somewhat chaotic, the food left much to be desired and our time together was rushed, but I savored her company. Many times when we're together it seems I'm asking her to fit into my world, keep up at my pace, work around my schedule...but today I stepped into her world. And she was glowing. She flashed her smile at everyone that passed and spoke to many people by name. I didn't know she even knew so many people. She said she was "so glad I came" and she asked what'd I'd been doing today. I'm not ashamed to say I really love her affirmation and attention and it seems moments like that are few and far between.

Lunch at an elementary school with my kindergartner. I'm only left to wonder why I don't do it more often.

Like the new glittery Erin (to the right)? It was a gift. The new trend in gift giving: blog bling. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Clearly, I did not get a chance to blog on Thanksgiving night what my "Top 5" end of day items were. And now, it's really just too late. As I try and think back on Thursday evening as we wrapped up the holiday, my perspective is tainted by the fact that 2 additional days have past and they have been interesting days, for lack of a better adjective. I really don't know what my "Top 5" would have been, but I know what tops my list today.

So this may not be my end of day "Top 5" as intended, and I'll try my hardest not to be too wordy or sappy but on this holiday weekend, and every other day of the year, I am so thankful for my people. I'm so thankful just to know I have them.

Tuesday a friend called needing a little help as she cared for her husband and children, all sick with a stomach bug. Thursday we received a late night call from another friend sitting in the ER with her husband; she was in need of help with their young son as she also tended to the needs of her sick husband. Yesterday in Florida, a family friend suddenly lost her 28 year old seemingly healthy husband. Tragic. There are really no words to do justice to the emotions, fear, exhaustion and pain associated with sickness, death, tragedy. Life can be so hard. You gotta have people. Good people. Supportive people. Truth-speaking people. Hold your hand or hold your baby people. Stop what they're doing people. Lose a little sleep people. Not a burden people. Say the right thing people. Just listen people. Tell you like it is people. Take care of details people. Feed your kids people. Make sure you eat a good meal people. Clean your house people. Carry your load people. Praying to God people.

I'm so thankful, more than this blog can express thankful, to know I have that kind of people on my side. Thanks, to all my people. And if you don't think you have people like that, give me a call...you've got me, and I'm that kind of people.

1. I'm thankful my kids slept through the night, in their own beds. This is especially appreciated since the night before they both came down at 2:15am (unusual for them to come together) and the rest of the night was a blur of blanket tugging and rib jabbing. Not only did I get a much better night's sleep but it also gave me the opportunity to wake up right next to my hubby and *snuggle* a bit.
2. I'm thankful for comp'ny...that's what we call house guests where I'm from :) Sure I stress in the days leading up about whether or not the pantry is stocked and if the house is ready, (and this year I was so focused on getting all the necessities for "the" meal, I overlooked the other 12 meals we'll need). Regardless, we can't make it "home" nearly as often as we'd like, so it's awfully nice when a little bit of "home" comes here. We don't take it lightly, 600 miles is a bit of a drive, we appreciate our comp'ny!
3. I'm thankful for our new house. I still like to say new house. Sure it was 10 years old when we bought it and we've been here 6 months, but it's still new to me, and I love it! Makes having comp'ny a little nicer too. Last Thanksgiving we piled 6 adults, 2 dogs and 2 kids into our 2 bedroom apartment for the holiday weekend, loved it then, love it more in a house! Seriously, I am thankful for our home.
4. I'm thankful for coffee. I'm about 3 minutes from heading into the kitchen for a hot cup of goodness. I started drinking coffee when I was 22, working in an elementary school that always seemed 10 degrees too cold. Then, coffee became a necessary evil to warm my body temp so I could function. Now, coffee is my friend.
5. I'm thankful for blogging. I would run out of cell phone minutes if I tried to call all my friends and family to tell them this Top 5. Not to mention how many friends I'd lose by awakening them on a day off at 7:30am to ramble about my sleeping habits and coffee drinking!

I hope in the next two days I find ample time to blog between house guests and holiday hustle, because I have so much I want to say on the subject of thankfulness that I can't squeeze it into one post. Here is my first:

The Bible tells me that I am fully known. I personally do not fully know anything (except about the moon and dinonsaurs...he,he) but one day I will fully know my God just as He knows me. Face to face. Until then, I am so thankful just to be fully known. It is freedom. If this were not the case, I would work hard to protect my dark, depraved, not so nice, fiery-tempered side. I also would work hard to show my loving, generous, witty side. Life would be a never-ending balancing act. But He knows me, all of me, so I am free. Not free to just be as ugly as I want, but there is such freedom in being loved unconditionally. I hope it makes sense to say I am thankful that my Lord knows just how warped I am, because proving myself otherwise is exhausting. I know for a fact.

When we moved here almost 2 years ago, I expected to face being homesick, getting lost on the unfamiliar streets, learning to accept new TV weathermen and anchors. I didn't expect the deep insecurity that comes with being "unknown." And I don't mean known in the community, as if I'm famous, I just mean known by the people I spend each day with. People who know my quirks, get my jokes, know my history. I came from a tight-knit community made up of family and friends I had known for decades. They knew me, and they loved me as unconditionally as flawed humans can. They knew my strengths and weaknesses, we had inside jokes, it was easy to be vulnerable. There was great comfort and trust in being surrounded by people that really knew me.

I have been truly blessed with a phenomenal group of peers here in NC, far more peers than I ever had back "home." In Florida, my own mom was the only stay-at-home-mom I hung out with, and needless to say, she didn't have little ones anymore. Here, I have the great pleasure of sharing life with many other women in my same life stage. It's a great experience for me and the kids. I've also had the pleasure of getting to know people in the life stages just ahead of mine, they offer wisdom and guidance, and again, it's been a great experience. But I have to admit, in getting to know people and allowing them to get to know me, I have battled the demon of insecurity harder than any other. To prove myself worthy, to prove I am smart and funny and a good mom and a strong believer and a hard worker, and on and on and on. I have been met with tremendous love and acceptance, but I've felt such insecurity rooted in feeling "unknown." I've faced circumstances where had someone known me better, that wouldn't have been assumed, that wouldn't have been said, I wouldn't have been doubted. I'm willing to concede this battle is much of my own doing, my own creation. I doubt I've met a single person waiting on pins and needles for me to prove myself, and if I have, I don't need that relationship anyway.

I share that battle to say, it is exhausting and unsettling to feel unknown, to feel no one really gets me or knows the real me. And as I have fought that battle learning to live in a new place, I have gained a new appreciation, a new gratitude for what it means to be fully known by my Savior. I'm also thankful that I do indeed have peer-relationships that have crossed the line into friendships where I feel vulnerable and loved and valued. God has been so faithful to provide safe relationships. So again, foremost by my God, but also by loved ones, friends and family, I am thankful to be known.

About two weeks ago, David asked what I would be willing to cook for him to take to his Thanksgiving dinner at work. I listed 4 or 5 choices and he picked mashed potatoes. He rarely comments on my cooking, good or bad, so I was pleased to know he enjoys my homemade mashed potatoes enough to share with his coworkers. My joy over the potato-making was short lived.

All you cooks out there can shake your head in dismay, but I thought all potatoes were created equal. Now of course I know the difference in a red potato, white potato and sweet potato but as far as which white potatoes boil up best to be mashed, I knew no difference. I bought the cheapest potatoes I could find yesterday....and the mashed potatoes turned out terrible! No matter what I did, the potatoes were too firm. The flavor was okay but the texture was all wrong so I finally (after much effort) gave up on batch #1 and made a run to the grocery store for better potatoes. The unused batch is going to the freezer, I may attempt to doctor them up into a cream of potato soup in the near future. The new batch turned out fine, but at what cost? Between the two batches, I have dirtied every dish and spoon in my kitchen. While boiling batch #2, something that spilled on the burner a couple days ago caught fire and set off my smoke alarms, upsetting the dog. Now my house is filled with smokey, smelly haze, I have a mountain of potato smeared dishes to clean and I have to deliver the potatoes to David's work since they first batch wasn't decent enough for him to take this morning.

All this and house guests headed this way later today! I really don't have time to be blogging, but I had to have an outlet before I exploded. Now I can go on with my day.