Today I let go. Something I wanted badly.
It started out innocently enough. My "wanter" was pretty generic at first, I wanted something, I wanted more. Fill in the blank, I wasn't so sure myself. But then my wanter got specific. I wanted "it." And I knew it. I had a clear picture, I could see it, and I liked what I saw. And the fear was gone, the "what ifs" faded, and I felt a fresh excitment. But feelings can be deceptive and no matter how clear it seems, the picture I have will always be just a miniscule speck of a gazillion piece puzzle that God alone sees.
And He said no. Maybe it's a not now. Maybe it's a not yet. Either way, it's no. And it's tough. And though the God of the universe owes me no explanation, He gave a few good reasons. 3 in fact, and they are enough.
But letting go is never easy. And the ache I have with closing this door feels similar to the ache of leaving home. Letting go of something good because God has called me to great.
And I am stronger than I thought I was, because it takes great strength to let go.
It started out innocently enough. My "wanter" was pretty generic at first, I wanted something, I wanted more. Fill in the blank, I wasn't so sure myself. But then my wanter got specific. I wanted "it." And I knew it. I had a clear picture, I could see it, and I liked what I saw. And the fear was gone, the "what ifs" faded, and I felt a fresh excitment. But feelings can be deceptive and no matter how clear it seems, the picture I have will always be just a miniscule speck of a gazillion piece puzzle that God alone sees.
And He said no. Maybe it's a not now. Maybe it's a not yet. Either way, it's no. And it's tough. And though the God of the universe owes me no explanation, He gave a few good reasons. 3 in fact, and they are enough.
But letting go is never easy. And the ache I have with closing this door feels similar to the ache of leaving home. Letting go of something good because God has called me to great.
And I am stronger than I thought I was, because it takes great strength to let go.
January 28, 2008 at 9:32 PM
You are strong, you are wise and your desire to follow God above all other desires is what sets you apart. Your story is unfolding... Gotta say it again, I am proud of you!
January 29, 2008 at 9:51 AM
At least you know that there is a greater thing coming and are looking forward to it.
That is a great thing when we can recognise that and take His no to be a good thing, as He does always have our best interest at heart.