What if...

I just finished reading the book What's Submission Got to Do With It? with my fave group of book-readin' ladies, L7. Well, let me be honest and admit, with the break-neck speed of the past few weeks, I didn't read as diligently as I should have. But as always, I found the group's discussion times to be as beneficial as anything anyone else could write. As we wrapped up our discussion on the book, I realized most of our conversations had centered around our day to day application of submission. I also began to feel a tug on my heart to write a post about submission. Big sigh. Submission, really? Do I really want to go there - here?

As I contemplated sharing some of my thoughts, I was very hesitant. As hard as it is to vulnerably admit weakness in a public forum, I think there is significant risk in implying an area of strength as well. Will others begin to watch, pick apart, judge my words, my actions, try to "catch" me not doing what I'm professing to do? Quite possibly. So to subdue my fear, let me just say up front, I am far from the perfect wife. I do not have a perfect marriage. You have already, or will indeed, hear or see me say or do something absolutely contradictory to what I believe about submission. Call it hypocrisy if that's your bag. I call it trying. After 11 years of marriage to my perfect match, I have learned a few perfect lessons from the perfect Teacher; it's my application that is often imperfect. And in a marriage that is still relatively young, I'm sure I have a long way to go. But I live daily in a marriage improved by the benefit and blessing of trying.

For many years I allowed the world, both the big world "out there" and my own little world, to misrepresent what God intends for the submissive wife. To quote the book I mentioned above, "submission is represented as repressive servanthood, rather than a voluntary desire to empower a husband's leadership." Repressive servanthood? No thank you. Empowering my husband? Yes, please! But since I bought much of the misguided-mess the world was selling, submission was not a word I was comfortable with in the early years of our relationship. I knew our marriage was not exactly aligned to a scriptural picture of headship and helper, but with a passive, indecisive husband, and a bossy, strong-willed wife, weren't we just being ourselves? If it worked for us, wasn't it okay? From the selfish tactics I employed to "benignly" maintain control to the loving ways the Lord has opened my eyes, I could probably write my own book on this journey to submisison, and it would be a work in progress. But based on the conversations we as a small group of women were having, it seems what we really want to know from one another is practical application: what does submission really look like?

I am an opinionated, strong-willed, short-fused, 30-year-old Christ-loving woman. I have two young children and a husband on his own journey to fulfill his call to lead. As uncomfortable as submission can be for me, leadership can be for him, so I'm thankful we're in this together.

So what does submission look like in my home? I'll share over the next few days...