Have you ever noticed that you can hear something your entire life, even study it for yourself, agree with it in your mind, but still struggle to know that you know it's true?

Enter Clayton King, a gifted evangelist, friend of our church, and guest speaker this past Sunday. I can't quote Clayton perfectly nor will I even attempt to express the impact of his "Who is Lord?" message, but I'd like to share with you what my heart heard. Something my ears have heard many times before, something my mind could agree with, but for some reason, on this day, the message reached my heart in a different way. Some of my "whys" could be answered by asking yet another question: Was Jesus enough for me? Is knowing more of Jesus than I ever have before enough to make all the struggle worthwhile? If He's indeed the only thing I have to show for this life, will I know and live like He's enough? Clayton said when you follow the Lord, the Lord may be all you get. Is He is enough?

I think so. maybe. yes. Yes. YES! He is enough. And the fog lifted.

I know that He's enough because I can say in all honesty that even on my darkest days I never wished that He hadn't called us here, because I know Him so much more. The first time Lily was sick and we didn't have health insurance, I was unsure of how we'd handle it, but I didn't wish to rewind to the past job. The first time I felt the sting of having my integrity questioned, I missed the comfort that comes from being surrounded only by those who love and trust unconditionally, but I didn't wish I'd never had the courage to step out of that comfort zone. The first holiday I called home and heard the laughter and noise of my family sitting down to a big meal, I'd have loved to be around that dinner table, but I didn't wish I'd never known the ache of missing home. The day Lily told me she wished I'd never made her leave her grandma, I ached for her to understand, but I didn't wish I hadn't changed her future. As I sat in the surgical waiting room while Luke was being operated on, I would have loved to be anywhere else but there, but I didn't wish he was covered in the "if it be His will" prayers of my past rather than the "it is His will" promises I now claim for my children. Last month when David called me and told me they were laying off and he wasn't sure if he was next, I prayed for this cup to pass, but I didn't wish he hadn't been courageous enough to take this job. Because God has always been enough, even when I didn't know or acknowledge or praise Him for being such, He was, and is, enough.

Living apart from almost every piece of my past has allowed me to embrace Him as the author of my future. Feeling like a lonely outsider enabled me to see what a perfect, trustworthy Friend I always have in Him. Starting over helped me recognize that His resources are limitless and His provision is sufficient. I could go on and on about the countless ways He has been able to better reveal Himself when the distractions of my comfort zone were removed. And man, oh man, for all the pieces of the puzzle I still don't have, I know I have Him. And He is enough. And the world needs to know that, and the world needs to see that, and maybe that's the picture of a faith-filled life that can reveal His glory to others more than I ever knew. I think it'd be so easy to say "God is good" if I was sitting here, entering year 3, and the picture I'd painted in my mind was the scene playing out in my life. But would I know Him the same? Maybe, maybe not. It's easy to praise Him when the bills are paid, and fridge is full, and the Christmas tree in the other room is surrounded by overflowing packages. It's easy to praise Him at times like those, but it's also very easy to forget to. But what about when those circumstances are not reality? Because they're certainly not mine today. Can I still say God is good? Heck yeah I can, and it's not so hard, and I certainly don't forget that I need Him because Lord knows, I need Him.

And the blessings I was waiting to see overflow in our lives because I trusted His Word and knew that He rewards those with earnestly seek Him? They've been there all along, and I feel purely silly for having to admit that I had limited my expectation of blessing to the things of this world that we can see and touch.

I promise I'm almost done...