Why is it that for my yearly female check-up, I plan days in advance, making sure I have nicely pedicured feet with freshly painted toe nails, cleanly shaven legs (all the way up, all the way down), and my finest undergarments, even though the gyno doc never even sees them... BUT when visiting a specialist today, when I should have known I'd have to strip down, I somehow forgot to shave, had chipped toe nail polish, and just happened to be wearing black socks, leaving a layer of linty debris on my feet and toes, as if I had given up washing my feet for Lent. In the moments before the tech came in, I stood there in my paper shorts (very cool BTW, never been given a pair of those!), staring down at my ashy legs, needing a shave and a tan, and my linty, toe-jam looking feet, and debated using the antibac gel or Lysol cleaning wipes I'd spotted on the counter to at least get rid of the top layer of winter scaliness and black sock fluff. However, I opted not to try that, certain that although it would give my legs a more moisturized look, the strong scent would give me away in no time. And I'd rather be seen ashy and linty than caught slathering my legs with antibac gel or Lysol wipes, 'cause that'd just be weird.

Fortunately, both the ultrasound tech and nurse were very kind and understanding. We all got a good laugh out of my sincere apology to the gentleman applying the ultrasound jelly to my legs for the black stubble he was forced to encounter. I was worried he may snag his latex glove. I truly valued the way they both reassured me they have seen far worse, and that's always a comfort.

My shining moment was when they asked to photograph my legs and feet. Yes, please, immortalize this moment! Sure, they told me it was so the doctor (who was out today) could see a picture of my AVM, but I'm not so sure those pics won't end up as the "before" pictures on some low budget product ad. Maybe an ad for no-chip nail polish top coat, or "end severe winter dryness" specialty cream, or better yet, a hair removal tool. If they snapped a pic of my heel area, I'm sure I could at least be a "before" Ped-Egg model.

On the up side, by the time I left, having had blue jelly rubbed all over my legs from top to bottom, I was no longer ashy...just a little sticky.

**BTW, this appointment was primarily to establish a relationship with a specialist I may need in the future to address the life long vascular anomalies I have (think blue ear)...just wanted to make sure I didn't worry anyone. You should be more concerned about my apparent lack of up-keep than my health!