Thorn bushes

Posted on 8:35 PM
Tonight as I clipped a red rose for my bud vase, pricked my finger and held in an ugly word, the thought crossed my mind that Lily calls rose bushes thorn bushes, each and every time. If you've visited us, she's probably asked if you'd like to see our thorn bushes. I always correct her with a laugh and say, Rose bushes. But she sticks to thorn bushes. For some reason tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks, Am I rubbing off on her?

I call a rose bush a rose bush, but in general, I'm pretty pessimistic, apprehensive, cautious, boring...not sure what word I'm looking for. To be honest, if the bushes weren't here when we bought the house, we wouldn't have them. The roses aren't worth the thorns, and that's how I live my life. Day trips aren't worth the gas, an evening workout isn't worth having to re-shower, dancing isn't worth looking foolish. That good friend is probably too busy for coffee, my peers might not like that new idea, if I try it might not turn out just as I planned...I might make a mistake, I might be wrong, I might not be good enough, so why bother? I covet a boldness that seems just out of my reach, a boldness I think I had once upon a time. And for some reason the big stuff, like moving 600 miles, comes easier than the "little" stuff. Why not have the attitude that the process is as important as the result, the satisfaction is worth the effort, the drive is worth the view?

But instead, rose bushes become thorn bushes, and the fear of getting "pricked" or wasting time or looking foolish overshadows the beauty. I may have unconsciously settled to live life this way but the thought of Lily living her life through the filter of "not worth it" is too much to swallow. Maybe I'm putting too much into a simple childhood mistake of saying thorn instead of rose, but it fits Lily's personality, which is so much like my own. But surely it's not too late for me, and it's certainly not too late for her. She's worth me making the change, or at least trying.


Happy Anniversary

Posted on 1:19 PM
Today is my in-laws 19th wedding anniversary. In the twelve years David and I have been a couple, we have shared a lot of laughs and good times with his dad and stepmom: vacations in the keys and at the beach, or just hanging out on the back porch. But in the relatively short time I've been their "daughter" I've also watched them weather many storms. To celebrate their anniversary today, they'll lunch together while she undergoes chemo.


Happy Anniversary, Ron and Sheryl. Thank you for teaching us what "for better or worse" truly means. May the year ahead be full of better.

High Five

Posted on 6:47 PM
High five to the team of fellow volunteers I just spent the past few hours with at Elevation's Union campus, setting up for Summer Blast. No job was too small, from separating hundreds of sheets of foil for Tuesday's craft to picking gum off high school tables...yuck.

Time is gift. Giving your time for such things is an offering Lord. What appears to be small and tedious is a sweet, fragrant offering to the God we serve. Many of you I know, many of you I didn't know...but it was my pleasure. Thanks for reminding me what service is all about.

Feeling blue

Posted on 10:32 PM
I've never been a "pink" person so I'm not sure why I ended up with a pink blog page. I'm going to try blue out for a few days, see if it sticks.

One Sad Puppy

Posted on 4:43 PM
KC is sad. She spends lengthy periods of time looking out the front window and relinquishes that post only to mope into the living room for sad little naps. She misses Lily. If Lily could read this post, she just might decide she had to come home. Before she left she expressed concern about KC's well-being. I assured her I could care for the dog, but I don't remember her ever getting quite this sad. I find myself trying to comfort the dog by telling her how many days until Lily returns and encouraging her to enjoy the break (Lily makes KC stand on two legs to dance with her, pulls her flappy lips up, puts hats, shoes and boas on her, and many other dog-irritating antics). I don't think KC wanted a break.







Please not children...

Posted on 2:30 PM
Some of what I say in this post may not sound very spiritually attractive, but I truly have a heart for women who balance motherhood and ministry so I want to be really honest about this topic. Here are some thoughts on both, and how I found myself in my current area of ministry in this season of life.

When we first became a part of Elevation and everyone did a little of everything, I had one reoccurring prayer, "God please don't let me get stuck in children's ministry. Deal? I mean, God, Your will be done...but...especially not preschoolers!" I'm not kidding, that was the cry of my heart in the very early days of our church. But now, every week at Elevation you'll find me in the Ekidz area. If you have a preschooler, you might just hear my say with an extended hand and a smile, "Hi, I'm Erin. We're so glad to have (insert your child's name here) with us this week." And I mean it.

A few things I need to say: I don't dislike preschoolers, in fact I love preschoolers, happen to live with 2 of them. However, having my own children 12 months apart created a level of fatigue and general disconnect with society, and adding more children to the mix seemed like a fate worse than death. Lily and Luke were just 3 and 2 when we moved here so I was still in a bit of a haze. I've always loved kids, been great with kids, had a career working with young children...but having my own, especially so close in age, really limited my ability to connect with other children. I didn't seem to like them anymore. Really. For starters, I'm with my own 24/7. Why would I choose to spend time volunteering outside the home with other children? But also, I give every emotional resource I have to my little ones, at the end of the day, I just don't have room or resources left for others. Or so I thought.

But here's how I got from "please God, anything but...!" to finding joy in my ministry. God changed my circumstances and my heart, not all at once, but strategically, little by little. I started serving in other areas first and enjoyed them, but knew I hadn't found my sweet spot. I wasn't sure what that might be but there were obvious needs in children's ministry and I began to get involved, slowly. At first I still didn't think children's ministry was my "thing" but I wanted to be needed. Second, God used others to recognize and speak to "dormant" spiritual gifts, and I couldn't deny that I did have giftings in this area. I certainly have off days (as my team could tell you!), but in general I can run a room of snotty-nosed, not-so-potty-trained, Goldfish-gobbling preschoolers like a well oiled machine. It comes easy to me. Don't get me wrong, it's not an easy job, but the required skills come easily, very natural.

Here are a couple other things God has taught me that make all the difference as I commit myself to children's ministry: First of all, big news flash here, the kids don't come for me. Parents don't bring their children to have Erin poured into them. They come for Jesus. So if my emotional resources and ability to "give" is tapped out, good. Less opportunity for me to get in the way. I was getting it all wrong when I thought these children needed or wanted something from me. God gave me two children to be Mommy to, and 50 others to be Jesus to. It's not about my resources, it's about His, and He can't be tapped out. As long as I stay in step with Him, full of Him, I have something to give...Him. Also, and I'm borrowing this from TD Jakes, my misery is my ministry...and preschoolers can definitely be my misery! I know what works and what doesn't, so if how things work and don't work in children's ministry really matters to me, then I need to involve myself in that ministry. Somewhere along the way, I realized that nothing burdens me more than children's issues, nothing. That's my "misery" so it's also my ministry.

At the end of the day, there is nothing more important than a child finding his or her way to Christ. How much pain and searching can we spare our little friends by introducing them to the ultimate Friend early in life? And the children who come to know Jesus through Elevation's Ekidz just might be my own, or so I pray. I should never take this role lightly, but I do. I can make it all about the details...getting the copies made, the messes cleaned...then do it all again next week. Those are times I find myself out of step with God, and I know that to get back on track I must confess my heart and ask Him to renew the joy of my calling and the weight of the responsibility I have to the children and families I serve. I need to feel that weight all the time, it keeps me on track.

It'd be fitting to close this post with the martyr-like attitude that children's ministry is a thank-less job. But you know what? It's not. I weekly have parents tell me what this program means to their child and family. I hear a lot of thank yous. But I would do this even if I didn't, because He is my reward. To serve Him and serve Him well is the desire of my heart, so I should say thank you to those who allow me the opportunity and show me grace and patience along the way. So thank you Elevation Church, Pastor Furtick, Heather, Lindsey, Shannon and our great volunteer team, moms and dads. Thank you.

Balancing motherhood with serving in ministry has been the greatest challenge I've ever faced...that's not being dramatic, it's being honest. Both require 100%, and there is just one of me. To be done with excellence, both require greatness, and I'm just okay. But this is what I know. When I attempt either/or on my own, I fail, maybe not at first, but sooner or later I'm down for the count. When I recognize my limitations and rely on Christ alone, the balance is this: being a mother makes me a better servant, being a servant makes me a better mother. The two do not compete, but compliment, with Christ alone.

Night One

Posted on 7:30 AM
Night one with no kids...we were restless, even the dog, KC. She and Lily are best friends and she's not happy that I returned home without her. Luke could take or leave the dog, actually, he'd just leave her. After having the dog for about a year, he asked if we could just get a cat and name it KC. Kids are funny.

The house is too quiet. I got up at 6:30 am, which is very unusual for me (I much prefer the 7 o'clock hour). I haven't a clue what to do with myself...and it's only day 1. But this is not a poor me post. I know many parents that would give their right arm for a break like this (if you're not a parent of young children and that seems harsh, just trust that I love my little ones more than life itself, and love them even more when I get a break like this!) I've decided not to waste a single second worrying about Lily and Luke, they have God and eagle-eye June watching over them. But I will spend a little time missing them; that's good for me, it reminds me how very, very blessed I am to have two precious little ones. When they're back home and I'm wiping his pee-pee off the floor (can I get an AMEN, Gina?!) or cleaning up her latest art project mess, I'll thank God and ask forgiveness for the times I don't treat them like blessings.

My honest prayer over this time is that I use it wisely. Being a wife and mother is my first area of ministry, but not my only. I have repeatedly asked God to give me eyes to clearly see what tasks He'd like me to tackle while my children are away, and to rightly discern what things are not in need of my attention. It would be too easy to waste this time. I've done it before. That doesn't mean the next two weeks are all work and no play...I plan on doing my fair share of catching up with friends, enjoying quiet evenings with Dave, watching a couple chick-flicks I've DVR'd.

But night one was restless.



And cricket makes six...

Posted on 7:54 PM
I love hotels. I've always loved hotels...to me a vacation isn't complete without at least one night in a hotel. And please don't tell me about the Dateline special exposing the filthy bedspreads or behind-the-mirror peeping-toms. I don't care. I love hotels. Lily and Luke have inherited this love, so as you can imagine we were thrilled when we decided to meet my mom and sister at a hotel near Savannah to make a "kid swap"...the kids will be spending a couple weeks in FL.

Bed time rolls around in our Holiday Inn and things get interesting. First, Spiderman has run out of batteries, already. Those cheap batteries that come in the toy usually last as long as my child's interest in the toy, but apparently Luke is quickly wearing Spiderman out. Luckily, he was satisfied that Spidey had just gone to sleep and didn't insist on a midnight battery run. Too bad, so sad on my watch, but Grandma just might have hit the CVS in her moo-moo if a single tear had fallen. Next, Lily and Luke realize how dark the hotel room is (not at all!), and they're used to sleeping with a night light. I had packed a light but it was outside in the Explorer. Glow worm to the rescue. Finally, we begin to settle in but soon figure out just how squished we are in the double bed. You see, Lily and Luke grow extra arms and legs when exposed to darkness so the bed got crowded quick. There were arms, legs, hands and feet everywhere. This time Aunt Lisa saved the day by suggesting we push the bed against the wall. This enabled Lily to scoot closer to the edge, giving all of us more room. Whew. I'm exhausted, the room is an igloo, as Lisa and Mom have broken internal thermostats, but at least we're finally comfortable, or at least as good as we're gonna get. But then again, what is that noise? Oh, that's a cricket. Crap. Sorry for the ugly word, Mom, but what else do you say when you finally get comfy in bed and realize there is a cricket in the room, or near the room or in the room next door. Uggghhh. Rather than be annoyed by the noise like the grown-ups, Lily and Luke were initially scared. Do crickets bite? Do crickets jump on people? No, crickets just make that noise...How do they make that noise? Do they make that noise with their mouths? No, they're busy biting people with their mouths...(no, I didn't say that, but I was over the cricket interrogation).

I still love hotels. I love the knock-you-down water pressure, tiny little shampoos, tissues dispensed from the bathroom vanity counter, miniature coffee pots.... but I really love hotel visits free of crickets, and possibly kids.

The spider and the worm

Posted on 7:04 PM
Lily and Luke each have a new "night-night" toy. We happened upon a clearance rack of bedtime Spiderman dolls...action figures, whatever. It was love at first sight for Luke. This big, cuddly Spiderman exceeded his every expectation of what a great night-night toy should be. At first I said no, there were big tears, a phone conversation with Grandma and long story short, Spidey came home with us. Of course Lily had a to have a new toy too, and keeping in the line of bedtime toys, I picked out a glow-worm (remember those?) and unlike most of my suggestions, she concurred. Now, I didn't just give into their "wanters"...once I thought about the idea of special bedtime toy, I knew it'd be a great idea for the trip to FL (they're spending a couple weeks with the grandparents). Something special to help them go to bed at night so far from home . I knew these toys were a good idea. I didn't know they'd replace me.

Among other things, Spidey says "Sweet dreams buddy, I'll see you tomorrow." Buddy is a term of endearment in our home. I call both Luke and David Buddy. Now Spiderman does, and Luke actually told me I didn't have to tell him to have sweet dreams because his new Spiderman would do it. Lily's glow-worm plays lullabies...sweet sounding, not that weird mechanical music noise. She informed me I didn't have to sing to her at bedtime anymore which had become our tradition.

I've been replaced by a spider and a worm. I'm a little sad, a little insulted, but mostly pleased that they've become attached to something that makes them feel safe and happy at bedtime, especially so far from home. I wish I'd bought myself a night-night toy to help me feel better while they're gone.

Weekly Update

Posted on 9:14 AM
My mom called me yesterday to tell me she was worried because I hadn't blogged in couple days. Thanks, Mom.


I've got a busy morning ahead so for now I just wanted to share that we had our largest attendance ever at Elevation this past Sunday...2133. That's just amazing for July, mid-summer is when attendance is supposed to drop, or at least stall. I'm also excited to share that for the past 5 months an average of 100 people have given their lives to Christ...100 each month. That's good stuff people!

Squeeze or Don't Squeeze

Posted on 1:02 PM
David and Lily have a little game they play called Squeeze or Don't Squeeze. Luke often joins in the fun, too. By observation, it seems the game goes like this: Lily and Luke grab David's arm or hand and if he says Squeeze they're not supposed to squeeze but if he says Don't squeeze, they are supposed to squeeze. Got it? I would get bored with such a game in about 4 seconds but they will play this game for about 10 minutes at a time. David can just be watching TV and Lily will walk by and grab his hand and say "Squeeze or don't squeeze, Daddy?" and the game begins.The three of them just laugh and laugh when someone accidentally squeezes on a "Squeeze"...sometimes I'll watch for a minute or two, amazed at how entertained they are with this made-up game.

Fast forward 20+ years...I can just envision Lily in a beautiful white gown standing beside her daddy in a tux. The wedding march begins to play and they lock arms to walk down that aisle toward her handsome, Jesus loving groom. She looks at David with her big brown eyes and to-die-for lashes and says, Squeeze or don't squeeze, Daddy? He melts, smiles back and says, Don't squeeze.

A Warm House

Posted on 11:19 PM
Tonight our house was officially warmed, and warmed well I must say. Two friends who were key players in our home buying experience, Tony, our loan officer and Larry, our realtor, threw a housewarming celebration and it was a joy to open our home to friends.

To be honest, David and I were a little anxious as this evening approached. Would people really want to give up their Friday night to visit our house? What if they really didn't want to come and were thinking to themselves, What's the big deal? If you haven't figured it out by now, I can what if the fun out of anything. But they came, we ate, we laughed and the last few guests left after 10pm (and were headed to the ER but that's a whole other story!).

There were times the house was so loud I couldn't distinguish the noise of the playful children from the chit-chat of the grown-ups, just a noisy mingling of happy sounds. I like a house that sounds like that. Growing up our house was always full of friends and family...over for a fish fry, a game night, or no good reason at all. My parents still pack out their house everytime we visit and I thought times like that were a part of my Florida life. It felt good to have a full house here. When we decided we would buy a house and put down "roots" in NC, my prayer was that our home would be a place where God was glorified. God is the God of friendship, of joy, of laughter, and the God of this household...tonight was a celebration of all of those things.

Blog Etiquette?

Posted on 9:07 AM
A friend (and fellow blogger) and I were chatting last night about blog etiquette. She was commenting on a blog she read that she personally felt revealed a little too much about that blogger's household. That got us discussing, what is the perfectly balanced blog? How much is too much information, how much is not enough? Is there a clear line that can be crossed, or would that line be different for every person? Is there specific blogger etiquette we should adhere to? According to David my post about him being a hot-hubby should have used the word "handsome" as not to cross a line...but that line would be the embarrass Dave-line.

On the subject of blogs, this morning in a my inbox I had another blog address from a friend who is just entering the blogging world, check her out here...she is a joy to be around, a fun lady. Seems like everyone is blogging these days. It's quite the trend but I do know many people that have a Who cares? attitude about reading others' daily thoughts and such. Here is why I care...the internet is amazing, it opens doors of knowledge and information that have revoluntionized life, but just like anything else, evil has taken what can be used for good and perverted it. Internet crimes are rocking our generation; and not just the sickening proliferation of child exploitation, but also identity thefts, credit card scams...the list is endless and the internet has become the devil's playground.

Why not fill the same world wide web with life and truth and love and Jesus, which is what the blogs I read daily are doing. And not every blog I read is about Jesus, the church or Christian service, but every one one I read is written by a Christian...posting about life, reality, glimpes of authenticity that the world needs to see and read. You know the children's song This Little Light of Mine? Well, I'm letting it shine. Hide it under a bushel? Heck no. Let it shine. And for every evil use of the internet, which can include blogs, there will be a site that glorifies God. Blog on my friends.

Piddy, Boo-ful Barrels

Posted on 1:34 PM
When we bought this house, there were two barrels in the front yard; one in a tree bed in the front yard, one on the sidewalk leading to the house, both empty. But I liked them, and knew they had potential. However, gardening is not my strong suit. I like the idea, I just have no skill, no know-how. But if you've spent any length of time with me lately, you've probably heard me mention these barrels, and what I'm going to do with them one day. But tomorrow evening we have friends coming over to see the house so I've been lamenting that one day hadn't come soon enough...

In steps Amy. Amy is my best bud from way back. Close to 20 years I guess (can I be old enought to have a 20-year friendship?) We've lived most of our adult lives many miles apart but now have the pleasure of living close...15 minutes close. Amy has always been soulful. She's deep and prayerful but fun and easy to be around. She has wisdom and grace beyond her years and always has. She was a wise and purposeful teenage girl, if you can believe such a thing exists. She can sing like nobody's business...Mariah Carey in the backseat of the "old gray bag" as her mom drove us to the beach, and now on stage at Elevation. It's really been a joy to get to know her as a wife and mother. She's fabulous at both and has two of the most precious children I've ever seen. I guess I should throw in here somewhere that her husband isn't so bad either :) He is gifted and dedicated man of God who serves our church tirelessly. They make up one very special family. I think the best part of having a long term friendship is seeing one another find a happy-ending. Not that I think either one of us is close to the end, but seeing a childhood friend happily married, enjoying life and motherhood is a blessing. I think we're both doing what we dreamed of doing, loving well.


Sometimes I forget we're proximity-close again. Seems strange but it's as if I had gotten so used to her being far that getting used to her being close has taken time. Like last year when I signed Lily up for preschool I needed two "in case of emergency" contacts aside from David and me. This was a harsh reality to face, we've always had family close enough...with no family, who would get to my babies if I couldn't? It took me a few minutes to remember that Amy was close, and when I did, it felt like a huge relief. This year, filling out the kindergarten paperwork was much easier...she immediately came to mind. Amy is family. Her family is family.


Now back to my barrels. Amy and I were hanging out on her back porch last night, both of our hubbies were still out of town, and I must have again mentioned my barrels. Apparently, I should have mentioned it to Amy sooner. Less than 24 hours later, my barrels are full of life. And I didn't even get my hands dirty.




Thanks Amy. Ella's right, they are piddy and boo-ful.

I mean SLEEP

Posted on 8:48 AM
I've been reminded this week how much I love sleeping with my husband. And I mean sleep. David was away two night's this week; one night in Anderson, SC and one night in Tampa, FL. I just don't sleep well without him, and much to my delight he told me the same thing. Even better, he told other people the same thing. David isn't into idle chit-chat, so if he told someone he didn't sleep well because I wasn't with him...he meant it. And I like to feel needed.

I've tried substitutes...the dog, the kids, a pillow, but nothing is better than falling asleep with David. He's a good sleeper too. Not at all restless, he's still and quiet for the most part. He makes these occassional chhhh noises, but in 9 years I've grown to find them comforting. The dog snores like a beast and the kids move too much. If David snores, I know he's sick or overly exhausted so I tolerate it in sympathy. And rumor has it I snore when I'm sick or overly exhausted, and I know I did when I was pregnant...and he never complained.

Sleeping together is a big deal, it's vulnerable. We ladies lose our ability to control the hairstyle, the noises we make and for some of us, the things we may say. Sleeping well with someone requires trust.

I'm happy to say I got a great night's sleep last night. David was exhausted from traveling and was ready for bed before I was, but I was so happy to snuggle beside him and fall asleep that I left dishes unattended and toys in the hallway.

Cold waffles

Posted on 11:24 AM
This morning I decided I would toast myself a waffle for breakfast. I love a warm, buttery waffle but rarely eat one warm. Usually I toast waffles in groups of 3-5 and by the time I have buttered, cut, poured syrup and served to the awaiting hungry mouths, my own is cold. Yes, I could wait and toast it after they've started eating, but then by the time mine is done toasting, they're through eating and have moved on to the next request...a drink refill, or help changing clothes or the TV channel. Anyway, I've gotten used to cold waffles.

But this morning Luke had already eaten a poptart and was upstairs playing, Lily was still sleeping and I decided to seize the opportunity to eat a warm waffle. I had just removed it from the toaster oven, perfectly golden brown, when I heard footsteps and then a little voice:

Whatcha eatin'? ... A waffle ... Can I hab one? ... Sure.

Now I have two choices...give Luke the waffle that I've already toasted and start toasting another one for myself. (The problem with that choice is there is only one waffle left and if Luke is eating the first and I'm toasting the second for myself, Lily may wake up and want it.) So this selfish mom opts for choice two: eat first waffle (still warm!) while Luke's is toasting. But then Luke says:

Can I sit with you? ... Sit where? ... Where-eber your siddin' to eat.

Darn, I planned on standing at the counter.

You want to sit and eat breakfast together?... Mmmhmm.

I am all for the family sitting down to a meal, it's just usually not breakfast...but how do I turn down that request and why on earth would I want to?

So, I toast the last waffle, butter, cut and add syrup, make us both a drink and head to table. By now, both waffles are cold. But instead of a warm waffle alone, I have a cold waffle and a nice chat about how lemonade is made. When he's all grown-up, married and preparing waffles for his own little boy, I'll have plenty of time to eat warm waffles alone.

Weekly Update

Posted on 8:55 AM
What a week! If you keep up with this blog at all, you know that our good friends Brad and Mindy have been going through a mini-crisis as Brad needed an emergency appendectomy over the weekend. My days have been spent helping out with their 3 kids and trying to provide tangible support. The kids (all 5) have been champs about this, hard to know how much they understand and what they really think. In hindsight, I wish I'd have taken more time to ask them. Yesterday, I made the tremendous sacrifice of spending the day at the pool and have nothing but a nice tan to show for it! You know you're hanging out with good kids if you can take 5 of them to the pool and find it relaxing. I'm happy to report that last night Brad made it home from the hospital. On behalf of both of our families, a really big THANK YOU to those of you who have helped out the past few days. Meals, groceries, help with babysitting. So many of us here are far from "home"...we wouldn't survive times like this without our Elevation family. I'm sure many more than we know have been praying through this situation, thank you.

Switching gears now, David found out last week he'd be making a business trip. If I remember correctly from elementary school there are 50 states, but wouldn't you know, his trip has him right back in FL. And not anywhere in FL, but right in the middle of our piece of FL, right between where we shared a little apartment as newlyweds and where we built our first house. Seems like all roads lead to FL. It's a short trip, he'll be home a little later today. I'm afraid it was just enough time to pick the scab of homesickness (sorry for the gross analogy...but it fits).

I'll close on some exciting Elevation news. We had our largest attendance ever Sunday, something like 2060, I may be quoting the number wrong but I do know it was our biggest week. Soon I'll make a point to get some numbers in front of me and do a post on our recent statistics. We are taking over this city. I realize not everyone likes the idea of big numbers, but each number represents a life, a soul. This is good stuff people! I love this church and I am so honored to align myself with this vision. Monday night we had a crazy, intense experience involving a charter bus...I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give details, so for now I will say it remined me of the "old days"...much like when we first moved here and we did crazy, faith-filled stuff knowing God was ready to move as long as we stayed active in the trenches. I'd gotten a little too comfortable lately, still busy with children's ministry and small groups, but maybe letting it get a little too routine. I'll have to update the specifics of what's going on when I know I can.

I always ended my weekly emails with how much I love and miss all my FL folk...can I still do that on a blog?

A good cry

Posted on 9:39 AM

I am on the verge of a good cry. Not a bad cry...not a midst of crisis or tremendous pain kind of cry. Just a good, cleanse my soul kind of cry. The kind that comes from days of being tired, things not quite right but not quite wrong, more to be thankful for than to complain about, wish I was just back at the beach, wonder when life gets easy but very aware things could be much worse...that kind of cry. Anybody know what I'm talking about? My eyes literally feel full, like tears are going to spill everywhere, so I better steer clear of electronics and small children, that kind of cry. And the worship music pumping in my ears from my iPod is like a soundtrack to the ache and puts words to the feelings I can't quite place. Nothing is really wrong, does that make sense? I mean there is a lot going on, and I guess that's what this is about, when life just feels so full that an imperfect body and mind feel weak to face it.

On this playlist: Mighty to Save, Strong Tower, Nothing but the Blood, You Never Let Go...just what I need to remind me that I am not alone. I am limited, finite, exhaustible and days like today I feel just that, but I am actively plugged into an infinite and inexhaustible supply of power. Jesus. I just needed to say His name.

And I'll have my good cry, I'll pour out the poisons I feel stinging my insides and thank God for being such a loving God who knew I would need an outlet for the internal groanings I can't put words to and so He made me able to cry for reasons beyond physical pain. A good cry.

Circle of friends

Posted on 1:03 AM
Our friends, Brad and Mindy, were kind enough to agree to have our kids this weekend so I could join David as he traveled with our Pastor. Unfortunately, Brad had to go to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. So, he's in the hospital, Mindy is by his side, I'm here with the 5 kids, and David...well, he's enjoying New Spring Church in Anderson, SC (not sure where that fits in?!?).

This pic was taken around the holidays I think; Brad was feeling much better then! We're toasting who knows what with Welch's grape juice, a gift from our friends, the Welch's, who are tangled in this crazy weekend as well. They sat with Brad and Mindy late into the night as they awaited surgery, and then stayed through the early morning hours so Mindy wouldn't be alone. That's a circle of friends. Add to the list Amy and Chunks, who made time in their very hectic Sunday to watch my Lily and Luke for awhile so I could take the other kids for a quick visit with their dad. Someone to hold down the fort, someone to hold your hand, someone to hold your babies (even if your babies aren't so tiny anymore). Your "circle of friends" is much more than who you can call for free on your cell phone. It's who you know will answer that call, and follow through.

Glad to report that Brad came through surgery fine...things were very near being very bad, but Mindy has earned an "I told you so" big enough to last all year. Really, she's just happy her hubby is okay...but I bet he won't argue so much the next time.

Biggest regret of the weekend: missing Brad on heavy pain meds...certainly good for a few laughs!

When good beans go bad...

Posted on 9:41 PM
Tuesday we attended a small group leadership training and our parting gift was a bag of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. I'm not a big jelly bean fan, but I do enjoy Jelly Belly...it's not just a candy, it's an adventure. It's fun to taste and guess and occasionally spit out the mystery beans. (I apologize if you were driving behind our vehicle Tuesday night!) The kids and I enjoyed this little game, David was less enthused.

We ended up with quite a few beans we deemed non-edible. It didn't take long to figure out we do not enjoy most of the green colored beans, and a variety of others. So what to do with all those beans? Pitch them in the nearest trash receptacle? Oh no, that would be too simple. When you're 4 and 5, there are apparently a million things a bad tasting jelly bean is good for. First, they asked to use a bean to lure a fly. I thought this was cute (and smart), so I agreed...one fly, one bean, right? Wrong. I later found a line of about 40 jelly beans in my foyer...and no fly to show for it. Luke cleaned them up with little resistance and I again thought they would make it to the garbage. At bedtime I found jelly beans all over his floor, when I asked WHY? he simply said "It's my jeddy bean co-wection"...how do you argue with that? This time I cleaned them up myself and personally placed them in the garbage. Finally the jelly bean saga was over.

But then, what was that sticky gunk stuck to my bathtub? You guessed it, jelly beans. Apparently they were involved in a sink or float experiment. Yuck. I am done with jelly beans...do you hear me Easter Bunny? No jelly beans!

I forgot...he's hot.

Posted on 3:08 PM
David has repeatedly thanked me for his kind birthday blog entry. I think he's brought it up 4 or 5 times. If you know David, you know if he repeats something, it's a big deal. Once is usually all you get.

Last night when he was saying "thank you" yet again, I told him I'd re-do it if I could. I forgot to mention how hot I think he is...and I think every hubby needs to know his wife thinks he's sexy. I won't go overboard, I don't won't to embarrass any readers, including David. But I did think it was worth mentioning. Here's why. I'm the only one who should be giving my husband that type of feedback. Men don't typically tell one another that type of thing and I certainly don't want another woman doing it for me. Sure, you can tell him you like his shirt or notice a new haircut, but there are certain compliments meant to come from me alone. And if I withhold that type of verbal affirmation, he lives without it...or finds it elsewhere. That means it's up to me to make sure he knows he's a stud...it's my job, I take it seriously...and like every good job, it has benefits ;)

So Amendment 1 to the Happy Birthday Blog: David is hot.

Kindergarten

Posted on 10:06 AM

I woke up this morning thinking about kindergarten, I've been waking up to thoughts of kindergarten for several days now. I haven't started an official countdown, not sure I can face the hard numbers. When Lily was a newborn, five years felt so far away. But I blinked, and she grew, and now in just a few short weeks I'll be expected to place her in someone else's care for most of her daylight hours. How is that possible? I am so unhappy about this. Preschool was fun. Preschool was a total of 10 hours a week, that doesn't even equal 2 days of kindergarten. Let me do the math...about 7.5 hours a day, 5 days a week...37.5 hours!! My 5 year old will have a full time job. I don't even have a full time job.

Can I be really honest here? As I type this I am gripped with fear and I can barely type through tears. What if I don't like her teacher? What if her teacher doesn't like us? What if her teacher doesn't believe in Jesus? For the first time in her life, she may realize that not everyone loves Jesus. Everyone who has ever spent enough time in her life to have an impact loves Jesus. What if she's scared? I was scared. I remember being scared. What if she has a nemesis? What if the class has a bully? What if her little 5 year old body doesn't adjust well to waking up at 6am...who in the world ever decided that 5 year olds should be up that time of day anyway?

So what do I do with all this fear, all these what ifs? I plan to leave them right here. Dump them on this blog and walk away. I know as the big day approaches, my mind will begin to entertain these same fears, but I don't have to walk this road everytime. I've just let myself go deeper into this kindergarten anxiety than I ever have, and I don't like where it's headed. I choose to stop. I'll continue to pray for a woman of God to be her teacher. I'll pray for her little body to have resilency and strength for the changes ahead. I'll even be audacious enough to pray that starting this year, my kindergartener will begin her long and fulfilling school "career" as a light for Jesus in a dark and dying world. She will no doubt meet people, teachers and students, that do not know Jesus. Why would I assume that they will change her and not the other way around? I am suddenly feeling very aware that the most important job that I've had in the past 5 years is to make sure that when she enters that school on day one, she knows she has God with her. Then she won't feel alone, she will feel strong and courageous. I will equip her with Joshua 1:9, it will be our anthem. (Thanks to my friend Maria back in FL I happen to know that verse in a song version!)

I am still sad that my baby girl, my first born, is entering the world in a new way, going to a place I can't travel alongside. No doubt, I will cry as I pull out of the school parking lot on her first day (if I am able to keep my composure that long). FYI if you're reading this Daddy, we're going to need you to go into work late that morning.



Child Activiated Attention Deficit Disorder

Posted on 11:11 AM
I got this email from my sister-in-law, it's funny but painfully true.

Recently, I was diagnosed with C. A. A. D. D.

Child Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests: I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the basement, I notice there are Cheerios all over the floor and my car keys are in the cereal bowl. I decide to pick up the Cheerios before I do the laundry. I lay my car keys down on the counter, put the Cheerios in the trash, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to take out the trash. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the office/playroom, so I go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I decide I should put the sippy cup in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they really need to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to water those flowers. I set the wipes back down, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. One of the kids must have left it on the kitchen table. I realize that after school when they go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote as they fight over who lost it, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs...but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed, the bills aren't paid and there is a warm cup of juice sitting on the counter.The flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook. I can't find the remote, I can't find the wipes, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Lost in Translation (my version)

Posted on 9:33 AM
A friend of mine did this on her blog, I thought it was a cute idea. These are a few of the things the kids have said (or still say) in that precious language all their own.

Yiddy...Lily

Tydle, Tortnee and Tody...Kyle, Courtney and Cody, their favorite "big" cousins

hair-poo...shampoo (my personal favorite!)

last mornin'... ??...they both used this phrase when referring to anytime past tense

pa-gamas....pajamas

breks-tis...breakfast

punge...sponge (usually referring to Bob)


commote....remote


dee-o-dee-ent...deodorant
(long before Lily said such a long word, she would put my deodorant bottle up to her neck and make a raspberry with her tongue, no idea why she thought my deodorant made that sound!)

There have also been moments of word confusion...Luke asking to ride the alligator at the mall (escalator), Lily telling us she learned about Frog-Hog Day at preschool (Groundhog) or wanting Grandma to use goose-tape to fix a broken toy. And laughing only aggravates the situation!

These things can stick too. Cody (aka Tody) turns 14 next month. When he was a toddler constuction-type boots became popular. He called them "Cool Yos" and so we all did for years. To this day anyone in our family would know exactly what a Cool Yo is.

I know some of the above are simple articulation and phonological errors, in a former life I had a career of correcting that type of thing in other children. But these are much more, they represent the passage of time, how quickly my babies are growing up. These words may give me a giggle but make me a little sad too. One day she just didn't say "hair-poo" anymore, no warning, just stopped saying it. And there are so many more I know I'm forgetting. There was a funny word for computer that I just can't recall...I always said I would write this stuff down. I guess it's never too late...but if yours are still tiny, just beginning to create their own language WRITE IT DOWN!







The "What If" that's on my mind

Posted on 3:47 PM
What if I actually followed through on all the notes, emails, phone calls I intended to make or send? You know, a relative that's going through a tough time, a friend that you've been out of touch with for awhile, someone at church that you haven't noticed in services for a couple weeks. I frequently think to myself: Give such and such a call to let her know she was missed last week...Send a card to such and such to let her know you're praying for her situation...Call her back about that lunch date...

I don't know about you but I think about stuff like that often, and don't follow through more often than I do. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that. As a matter of fact this very moment I have an unsent card on my dresser that now seems untimely and a call that needs to be made to let a fellow church-goer know her absence has been noticed.

I think the answer to my "what if" question is, I would be the kind of friend that I really like to have.

Weekly Update

Posted on 9:08 AM
Like I said last week, I'm trying to transition from emailing weekly updates to blogging. So far I've had only 3 of the dozens of people on my "Weekly Update" email respond that they visited the site. I'm sure others did, but I think some people resist change....or effort. An email comes right to the inbox, a blog visit requires an extra click. But I constantly had people asking me to add this friend or relative to the email, and I usually forgot to do so...this way, we can just pass on the link...everyone's happy, right??

Now on with the update. Elevation was packed this Sunday, over 2000 in attendance on weekend after the holiday...we're breaking all the rules about church attendance, I don't think God is keeping up with current church plant statistics on growth...nor does He care to! Our current series is "Confessions of a Pastor"...this week's confession was something to the effect of Sometimes other Christians get on my nerves. Can you relate? It was a fantastic message about acceptance and love in the body of Christ replacing judgement and criticism. Check it out here (listen or watch, every cool!).

We're recovering from an awesome vacation. I say recovering because good vacations are followed with a bit of a hangover. Extra laundry, bare fridge, back-to-work blues...it can be hard to get back into the swing of things. Mindy and I grocery shopped at 10pm Saturday...let me tell you, characters do their grocery shopping at 10pm!

Tough Monday, Part 2

Posted on 12:46 PM

Adding to his list of Monday crimes...Luke has now smashed cheese all over his new lap tray and bitten Lily...and the day isn't half over. (This is a blast from his past, Luke was a big time biter but doesn't really do this anymore...or so I thought)


Mondays

Posted on 9:58 AM
Mondays are a rough-around-the-edges kind of day for us. Sundays are so full and busy, we usually recover on Mondays. I let the kids stay in PJs as long as they like and try to stay to spend most of the day at home.

Today is off to a rougher-than-usual start. Luke has run into the wall, dropped 3 DVDs in a non-flushed toilet (YUCK!) and has a trail of colorful cereal in the living room floor...and he's only been up 90 minutes. Lily is pretty mellow on Monday mornings, breakfast and the Disney channel and she's golden.

Beach in my backseat

Posted on 3:37 PM
I hopped in the front seat of my Explorer this morning and was met with the overwhelming scent of salty sea air. I have the beach in my backseat..literally. The beach was a little too far of a walk for the little ones (who am I kidding? too far for me!) so we drove back and forth...meaning lots of sandy toes and toys and tots in and out for 4 days. If I had a shop vac I could vacuum the vehicle, empty it in my backyard and have my very own mini-beach.

We had a great vacation, Sunset Beach is a beautiful...and this Florida girl knows a good beach when she sees one! I could go into the water chest deep and still be on pure, solid sand..nothing slimy, rough, sharp or poky under my feet. That's a very big deal to me...I hate (fear) mysteries under my feet in the ocean. I swam more this year than I ever have at the beach, and the water was rough! Knock you down, fill your mouth with salt water, dare to stand up again, rough. Tons of fun for this gulf coast beach goer that rarely meets a good wave.

The house we stayed in was fabulous too. Roomy enough for all nine of us to spread out but cozy enough to feel at home. Speaking of "nine"...did I ever mention we were vacationing with friends, who have 3 kids of their own? You know you've reached a new level of friendship when you take a beach vacation with another family...the make-up is off, the swimsuits are on ...that's trust.
THANKS Brad, Mindy, Maci, Aaron and Andy for inviting us to join you on your summer vacation. We had a wonderful time and made great memories. Really, thank you for the gracious invite...we feel blessed, relaxed, exhausted but energized...everything a makes a great vacation, well, great.


Happy Birthday...yesterday

Posted on 4:43 PM
Yesterday was David's 34th birthday. This post is a little tribute to him...Happy Birthday David, Dave, Davy, Hummel, Buddy, Tito :)

I'm just crazy about my hubby. I love him in a way that's almost scary, to know that my happiness is so intertwined with another person. One of the things I love most about him is that I know him like no one knows him...and I'm a selfish person so that suits me well. I love to laugh and he's funny. But the kind of funny that he only shares with people he loves. His humor and words are not wasted trying to fill uncomfortable silences or impress others, things I'm guilty of doing. He's quiet, and yes, there I times I wish he would give me more...more info with more detail, more of what's going on in that brain of his; but I've also learned that quiet doesn't have to mean angry or sad, quiet can mean comfort and contentment.

David is by far the most loyal and forgiving person I know. I am so proud to be his wife. I can honestly say I don't know a single person on this earth that doesn't think highly of him. What others think is certainly not the measure of a man, but having the reputation of integrity and kindness he does is admirable. And what a great daddy! When they were babies, he was a diaper champ. Now messy hands and faces, public bathrooms, baths and bedtime...he has never considered any of these things to be my job.

David and I have been a couple for almost 12 years. You might think that after a dozen years I would lose the tingle inside when I hear is key in the door, and now his ring tone. Still there, quite certain it will never go away.

Happy Birthday, my love. I look forward to celebrating many more with you!

Sending our love

Posted on 3:28 PM
This post is for my brother and his wife, who are going through tough time. Being 600 miles away limits what I can tangibly do show my support, this is my on-line "thinking of you" card.

Ray and Becky are more than family, David and I absolutely consider them to be great friends, and we really miss them. He's a deputy, she's a nurse...your all-American family. They have 2 of the cutest little boys, Jack and Liam, who provide a laugh a minute. Two boys, 12 months apart, you can imagine the mischief! They're 1 and 2...and called last week to sing Happy Birthday, I just melted. For the past few months they have also been loving parents to a sweet baby girl...as if they weren't doing enough to serve their community, they're also wonderfully compassionate foster parents.

When we announced our move Ray and Becky were always encouraging and supportive. When we moved, they didn't just talk the talk, they walked the walk...or should I say "drove the drive"...every few months they came to visit. They were the first to visit Elevation, and see first hand why we were sold-out to this crazy, cutting-edge vision of a church. Seriously, a 12 hour drive with 2 little ones, multiple times, that's love!
Ray and Becky, you are in our thoughts and prayers...we love you.

Weekly Updates

Posted on 8:49 AM

Since our move to NC in January (actually December 31, 2005), I've been emailing weekly updates to friends and family. Most are in Florida, but others are scattered around the country. It's been a nice way to keep in touch, giving both family updates and sharing exciting information about our church. I'm going to attempt to post my weekly update as a blog entry rather than email and see if it sticks...

Only two days until we take our first family vacation in over 2 years. Any time off David's had has been used for long weekends and such to Florida, and with travel time involoved, the 2-3 days he has feel less than relaxing. The kids and I have been more fortunate to have lengthy trips away, but again, throw in a 12 hour drive with 2 preschoolers, and "vacation" doesn't quite seem like the right word!

Tomorrow afternoon we head to Sunset Beach, NC. David is almost giddy, except he's David, so it takes the form of an occassional smile. But I know he's dancing inside! We'll be there until Saturday...maybe next year he'll take an entire week. It's about 3 1/2 hours from here, a couple DVDs and a snack and we should make it with minimal fussing from the backseat. We'll get to celebrate both the 4th and David's 34th at the beach...FUN!

I hope everyone enjoys a fantastic 4th. Stay cool Florida-folk.


Corners

Posted on 9:44 PM
This "corners of my house" post is a rip off from the blog of a good friend, but as imitation is the highest form of flattery, I'll make no apologies.
This corner is a little nook on a kitchen cabinet that I've dedicated to a French vacation David and I took several years ago. (Back when France was just associated with rudeness, not necessarily un-patriotic to visit) The handmade pottery I found in a shop in Aix-en-Provence, the southern town where we spent most of our time. I filled the bowl with sugar cubes I collected during daily cafe visits. Olive oil and lavender were popular in the town as well, both represented in this corner. The labeled bottle of olive oil is from the town, never opened. The other cork and bottle I bought in France but have just started filling mysef and using when I cook (I love using olive oil in a bottle like that...I feel like Rachel Ray as I do two turns in a pan!) The picture and mini-tower are your typical cheesy souvenir, bought right on the Eiffel Tower. (Which is an amazing site, especially at night). Things not from France are the dried flowers, from my best friend's wedding and the Best of France cookbook, yet to be used!

For the 6 years I've had these little souvenirs, they've always been either tucked away or up on a shelf, mostly unseen. This is the first time they've been "displayed"...it's nice to look at and reminisce about that great vacation. Before kids, slightly more carefree, once in a lifetime.


The BIG "What if..."

Posted on 4:44 PM
Of all the "what ifs" I've ever "iffed" over, the ones that take on the most life in my head are the ones concerning our move to Charlotte to be a part of Elevation Church. But the "what ifs" now are very different from the ones that bombarded me 2 years ago.

A little background: David and I had both said out loud multiple times in our lives that Florida would be the only place we'd ever live. And not just the state, we were pretty concrete about Hillsborough county. Maybe saying that kind of stuff was like a dare to God. Not because He's mean-spirited but what better sign of spiritual growth and change than to turn our "always" and "never" upside down. Our choosing to move 600 miles from "home" to help plant a church was an expression of God's ability to do BIG things with little lives. We'd always had little dreams, dared not dream ourselves a part of something that would change the world. Then along came Elevation.

By the time we heard the name Elevation, Charlotte was the identified city and the core team was making plans to move, one family at a time. We knew one of those couples, the Corbetts, and excitedly agreed to be a part of a prayer team for the church. The excitment about this church plant was electric. You could FEEL God all over this thing. The story between praying for Elevation and 6 months later moving for Elevation is much too long for today's blog. David moved in December,the kids and I joined him in January, the church began Sunday services in February, and the rest is Elevation history.

Now back to the "what if"...today, I worshipped with just under 2000 people between 4 services in 2 counties. I just read on my pastor's blog that 46 people gave their lives to Christ this morning. Hundreds more have made the same eternal decision this year alone, and since February (as in 5 months) I've watched in amazement as over 400 have followed Jesus in baptism. Have you ever seen anything like a spontaneous baptism in a high school auditorium, where hundreds of people take the plunge to be identified with Christ? I have! And it's amazing.

What's happening here in Charlotte is nothing less than an explosion of God's power; power being poured into the lives of ordinary people, commissioned to spread the gospel of Jesus, and others responding to His message of love and grace in an outrageous way. I can't believe I'm a part of this, I can't believe God invited my little family of four to be a part of this. There is nothing about us that deems us worthy to have our names attached to this movement of God. I can't think of one good reason. But what if I'd let that stop me? Our lack of ministry experience, our fear, the uncertainty of something new? The what ifs attached to something like this are immeasureable. It made no sense for us to make this move. Dare I admit I'd never even heard Pastor Furtick speak before we decided to move here? I'd heard him sing, does that count? David didn't even meet him until we came into town to check out housing. But this was never about us, never about him. We knew early on that the only way to survive this was to keep it all about God, and what He wanted from us and for us. The fact that we now know Pastor Furtick is an amazing man and spiritual leader has just been an added blessing. (One day I'll blog a little about the spiritual gifts he has mined out of my hubby).

The what if that fills my brain most often now is, What if I'd missed this?

I think I know a little of that answer, I'll save that for another day.